Taking up a cross was what a convicted troublemaker did when condemned to death by crucifixion. Roman tradition was that you would be required to carry the crossbeam of your own cross to the location where you would be crucified as punishment for failing to abide by Roman law.
Crucify: to put to death by nailing or binding the hands and feet to a cross
Crucify: to treat with gross injustice; persecute; torment
Carrying that crossbeam was a sign and a punishment for failing to live according to the expectations of those in power.
Christian life, I think, does call us to fail to live according to the expectations of various powerful forces in our society today. And that requires a real and felt sacrifice in most instances.
William Barclay wrote about that. "The Christian may have to sacrifice his personal ambitions, the ease and comfort he may have enjoyed, the career that he might have achieved; he may have to lay aside his dreams, to realize that shining things of which he has caught a glimpse are not for him. He will certainly have to sacrifice his will...he must do what Christ likes. In Christianity there is always some cross, for it is the religion of the cross."
I think that this aspect of Christian life is one that we particularly struggle with in North American society today. Think, what if I had substituted "a woman" for "the Christian" in the above quote? Anger? And how many people, men and women, fight to be able to maintain and achieve the world's possible personal, career and comfort dreams and still be wholly converted to Christ? How often do we Christians laud those who do achieve those dreams and dismiss as simply "ordinary" or "complacent" those who do not?
I am beginning to think that the society in which we live, that so desperately does not want to make permanent personal sacrifices for the greater good, has its sentiments deeply embedded in the lives of all of us who aspire to follow Christ. Following Jesus Christ involves carrying the crossbeam that proclaims that we have refused to embrace society's expectations, the expectations of committing to, achieving and living what it qualifies as "the dream".
That's serious. And if you are courageous and humble enough to do so, you will find some who support you and you probably should also expect some important voices in your immediate vicinity today to feel threatened and hand you a crossbeam to carry with you.
\
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
And he ordained twelve, that they should be with him and that he might send them forth to preach. Mark 3:14
Collecting thoughts today.
"The were chosen to be with him. If they were to do his work in the world, they must live in his presence before they went out to the world; they must go from the presence of Jesus into the presence of men...
"Sometimes in the complexity of the activities of the modern church we are so busy with committees and courts and administration and making the wheels go round we are in danger of forgetting that none of these things matter if they are carried on by men who have not been with Christ before they have been with men."
~William Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew, p.361
" How can we expect to strengthen families or help others unless we first have written in our own hearts a deep and abiding faith in Jesus Christ and His infinite Atonement?" ~Linda Burton, RS General meeting, Sept. 2012
"I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When he interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time." ~Dieter Uchtdorf, General Conference, October 2012
"Charity is the pure love of Christ." ~Moroni quoting Mormon
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not charity...I am nothing." ~Paul
"The were chosen to be with him. If they were to do his work in the world, they must live in his presence before they went out to the world; they must go from the presence of Jesus into the presence of men...
"Sometimes in the complexity of the activities of the modern church we are so busy with committees and courts and administration and making the wheels go round we are in danger of forgetting that none of these things matter if they are carried on by men who have not been with Christ before they have been with men."
~William Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew, p.361
" How can we expect to strengthen families or help others unless we first have written in our own hearts a deep and abiding faith in Jesus Christ and His infinite Atonement?" ~Linda Burton, RS General meeting, Sept. 2012
"I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When he interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time." ~Dieter Uchtdorf, General Conference, October 2012
"Charity is the pure love of Christ." ~Moroni quoting Mormon
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not charity...I am nothing." ~Paul
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Three Inner Attitudes
"If what we have we receive as a gift, and if what we have is to be cared for by God, and if what we have is available to others...this is the inward reality of simplicity. However, if what we have we believe we have gotten, and if what we have we believe we must hold onto, and if what we have is not available to others, then we will live in anxiety."
~Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline, p. 77
~Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline, p. 77
Friday, January 04, 2013
"And when when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, 'Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners?'...Jesus...answered...go ye and learn what [the saying] meaneth: 'I will have mercy and not sacrifice;" Matthew 9: 13
This caught me up short today:
"the Pharisees had a view of religion which is by no means dead.
(i) They were more concerned with the preservation of their own holiness than with the helping of another's sin. They were like doctors who refused to visit the sick lest they should be injured by some infection. They shrank away in fastidious disgust from the sinner; they did not want anything to do with people like that. Essentially their religion was selfish; they were much more concerned with saving their own souls than to save the souls of others. And they had forgotten that that was the surest way to lose their own souls.
(ii) They were more concerned with criticism than with encouragement. They were far more concerned to point out the faults of other people than to help them conquer these faults. When a doctor sees some particularly loathsome disease which would turn the stomach of anyone else to look at, he is not filled with disgust; he is filled with the desire to help. Our first instinct should never be to condemn the sinner; our first instinct should be to help him.
(iii) They practiced a goodness which issued in condemnation rather than in forgiveness and sympathy. The would rather leave a man in the gutter than give him a hand to get out of it...
(iv) They practiced a religion which consisted in outward orthodoxy rather than in practical help. Jesus loved that saying from Hosea 6:6 which said that God desired mercy and not sacrifice, for he quoted it more than once (cp. Matthew 12:7). A man may diligently go through all the motions of orthodox piety, but if his hand is never stretched out to help the man in need he is not a religious man."
~William Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew, vol. 1, p.334-335
Good for me to think about.
And then reading Doc & Cov 1 with L this evening in preparation for the lesson on Sunday there was this:
"the Lord shall come to recompense unto every man according to his work, and measure to every man according to the measure which he has measured to his fellow man."
Good to be reminded.
"the Pharisees had a view of religion which is by no means dead.
(i) They were more concerned with the preservation of their own holiness than with the helping of another's sin. They were like doctors who refused to visit the sick lest they should be injured by some infection. They shrank away in fastidious disgust from the sinner; they did not want anything to do with people like that. Essentially their religion was selfish; they were much more concerned with saving their own souls than to save the souls of others. And they had forgotten that that was the surest way to lose their own souls.
(ii) They were more concerned with criticism than with encouragement. They were far more concerned to point out the faults of other people than to help them conquer these faults. When a doctor sees some particularly loathsome disease which would turn the stomach of anyone else to look at, he is not filled with disgust; he is filled with the desire to help. Our first instinct should never be to condemn the sinner; our first instinct should be to help him.
(iii) They practiced a goodness which issued in condemnation rather than in forgiveness and sympathy. The would rather leave a man in the gutter than give him a hand to get out of it...
(iv) They practiced a religion which consisted in outward orthodoxy rather than in practical help. Jesus loved that saying from Hosea 6:6 which said that God desired mercy and not sacrifice, for he quoted it more than once (cp. Matthew 12:7). A man may diligently go through all the motions of orthodox piety, but if his hand is never stretched out to help the man in need he is not a religious man."
~William Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew, vol. 1, p.334-335
Good for me to think about.
And then reading Doc & Cov 1 with L this evening in preparation for the lesson on Sunday there was this:
"the Lord shall come to recompense unto every man according to his work, and measure to every man according to the measure which he has measured to his fellow man."
Good to be reminded.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wise words
"Galdarag" over at "Zelophehad's Daughters" posted her notes from a talk that Cheiko Okazaki gave at the Missionary Training Center in Provo nearly a decade ago. Good food for thought. So I'm saving them here. Enjoy.
(Referencing Adam and Eve): “There are ways in which we remain children morally instead of developing adult faith and maturity if we don’t break some rules.
“Jesus could denounce the pharisees as hypocrites because He was Divine. We are not, so we cannot.
“Hypocrisy starts on the outside and stays there. Goodness can start either way. Doing our duty, even with a grudging heart, can still teach us.
“Jesus is not as concerned with the details of our behavior as he is with our hearts. Therefore, if being good is more important than doing good, how can we not be hypocrites if we act good but don’t feel good?
“The answer: You are not your feelings. Your feelings are not you. What do you do with feelings? Give them to God, and do your duty.
“It is not hypocrisy to act cheerful if you feel badly – as long as you don’t mistake the way you feel for who you are. However, depression and abuse are exceptions to this general rule. In both cases, seek professional help and help from the Savior.
“In Ephesians 6:11 we are told to ‘put on the whole armor of God.’ Job 29:14 states ‘I put on righteousness and it clothed me; I was robed with judgment as a diadem.’ Garments are symbolic. Clothing signifies affiliation, protects our modesty, and enables us to do work. We are not different without our clothing.Armor gives us strength and protections. Is it hypocritical? No, it is wise.
“‘Let us walk honestly as in the day … Put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ.’ (Romans 13:13-14). Let us live the right way. Clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ.
“Remember, ‘There is neither Jew nor Greek … there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.’ (Galatians 3:28)
“Are we hypocrites in our attempts to ‘put on righteousness,’ even if we stumble on the hem in a few steps? No! Because part of who we are is the desire to be better.
“He loves all of you. He loves you even if your past has been sorrowful and painful. Not just in your moments of strength and joy, but also in your times of despair and self-loathing.
“Remember Colossians 3:14-15: ‘And above all these things put on charity …And let the peace of God rule in your hearts.’”
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
The light of the body is the eye. So then, if your eye be single thy whole body shall be full of light.
Last night as I was reading through parts of William Barclay's commentary on Matthew 6 I was struck by the following and its correlation to the cognitive distortions that I've been reviewing. See what you think.
Barclay writes, "The eyes is regarded as the window by which the light gets into the whole body. The state of the window decides what light gets into a room. If the window is clear, clean and undistorted, the light will come flooding into the room, and will illuminate every corner of it. If the glass of the window is colored or frosted, distorted, dirty or obscure, the light will be hindered, and the room will not be lit up...
So, then, says Jesus, the light which gets into any man's heart and soul and being depends on the spiritual state of the eye through which it has to pass, for the eye is the window of the whole body."
Barclay goes on to describe the distortions of prejudice, jealousy and self-conceit that can distort our view of reality, others and ourselves and then he adds
"But here Jesus speaks of one special virtue which fills the eye with light..."
He then explains that the word translated as single is the Greek word haplous, the corresponding noun being haplotes. He points out that in other places in the Bible these same two words are translated as generous, generosity, liberality. The footnotes in my edition of the Bible also translate it as sincere, and without guile and healthy.
All of those definitions point to a way of seeing reality through an eye that is clear and open-hearted, based upon truth, reason and an open generosity of spirit.
Cognitive distortions are the opposite of that. They overspread our window, our view of ourselves and others, with false assumptions and false extrapolations, misperceptions, distrust, illogical conclusions, and bleak judgment.
No wonder we feel "how great is that darkness" when we fall into patterns of using them.
Fortunately there are ways to learn how to change those patterns of thinking into clear, truthful, generous lenses that let in light.
Barclay writes, "The eyes is regarded as the window by which the light gets into the whole body. The state of the window decides what light gets into a room. If the window is clear, clean and undistorted, the light will come flooding into the room, and will illuminate every corner of it. If the glass of the window is colored or frosted, distorted, dirty or obscure, the light will be hindered, and the room will not be lit up...
So, then, says Jesus, the light which gets into any man's heart and soul and being depends on the spiritual state of the eye through which it has to pass, for the eye is the window of the whole body."
Barclay goes on to describe the distortions of prejudice, jealousy and self-conceit that can distort our view of reality, others and ourselves and then he adds
"But here Jesus speaks of one special virtue which fills the eye with light..."
He then explains that the word translated as single is the Greek word haplous, the corresponding noun being haplotes. He points out that in other places in the Bible these same two words are translated as generous, generosity, liberality. The footnotes in my edition of the Bible also translate it as sincere, and without guile and healthy.
All of those definitions point to a way of seeing reality through an eye that is clear and open-hearted, based upon truth, reason and an open generosity of spirit.
Cognitive distortions are the opposite of that. They overspread our window, our view of ourselves and others, with false assumptions and false extrapolations, misperceptions, distrust, illogical conclusions, and bleak judgment.
No wonder we feel "how great is that darkness" when we fall into patterns of using them.
Fortunately there are ways to learn how to change those patterns of thinking into clear, truthful, generous lenses that let in light.
Monday, December 03, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #1, All-or-Nothing Thinking
For my own personal reference while my library is in storage as our house is repaired, I'm listing David Burns' excellent list of cognitive distortions that often clutter the brains of all of us and make clear thinking more difficult. Many thanks to Dr. Burns and his book, "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy" from which these ideas were taken. After I finish this, I plan to post ideas for combating them.
This first cognitive distortion, all-or-nothing thinking, occurs when you take one failure and translate it into total failure.
For example, you are unable to get your child to respond positively to your best efforts at getting him to exercise regularly. You brain tells you, "I am such a failure as a parent."
Or, you surprise your spouse with an unexpected night out together and though the food is good the conversation is bland and you both are tired and you think, "I am such a loser at this whole marriage thing."
One failure immediately translates into complete failure.
All-or-nothing thinking, among other things, forms the basis of perfectionism. It causes you to fear mistakes or imperfections because then you will see yourself as a complete loser, and you will feel inadequate and useless.
This way of evaluating things is unrealistic because life is rarely completely one way or the other. For example, no one is absolutely brilliant or completely clumsy all of the time. Every person, and every thing is a combination of excellent and average and not-so-good. If you tend to push all of your experiences into absolute judgments you will be constantly discouraged and discredit yourself endlessly because no matter what, because of your God-given mortal state, you will never measure up to your exaggerated expectations of excellence.
You see everything as black or white. If it's gray, it's black. Thinking patterns like this leave little opportunity for recognition of progress or celebration of what is good as every black or gray experience blankets everything in black.
Recognizing this in yourself and teaching your brain to see your less-than-perfect experiences with the same kind of love, clarity, and encouragement and perspective that God does, rather than with the judgmentalism of a pharisee, is a major first step in overcoming this cognitive distortion. And it helps your ability to do better and improve a zillion times more than does the blanket of black.
In my next post maybe I'll talk about ways to talk back to cognitive distortions with truth once you recognize them in your own head.
This first cognitive distortion, all-or-nothing thinking, occurs when you take one failure and translate it into total failure.
For example, you are unable to get your child to respond positively to your best efforts at getting him to exercise regularly. You brain tells you, "I am such a failure as a parent."
Or, you surprise your spouse with an unexpected night out together and though the food is good the conversation is bland and you both are tired and you think, "I am such a loser at this whole marriage thing."
One failure immediately translates into complete failure.
All-or-nothing thinking, among other things, forms the basis of perfectionism. It causes you to fear mistakes or imperfections because then you will see yourself as a complete loser, and you will feel inadequate and useless.
This way of evaluating things is unrealistic because life is rarely completely one way or the other. For example, no one is absolutely brilliant or completely clumsy all of the time. Every person, and every thing is a combination of excellent and average and not-so-good. If you tend to push all of your experiences into absolute judgments you will be constantly discouraged and discredit yourself endlessly because no matter what, because of your God-given mortal state, you will never measure up to your exaggerated expectations of excellence.
You see everything as black or white. If it's gray, it's black. Thinking patterns like this leave little opportunity for recognition of progress or celebration of what is good as every black or gray experience blankets everything in black.
Recognizing this in yourself and teaching your brain to see your less-than-perfect experiences with the same kind of love, clarity, and encouragement and perspective that God does, rather than with the judgmentalism of a pharisee, is a major first step in overcoming this cognitive distortion. And it helps your ability to do better and improve a zillion times more than does the blanket of black.
In my next post maybe I'll talk about ways to talk back to cognitive distortions with truth once you recognize them in your own head.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #2, Overgeneralization
Overgeneralization is a pretty easy one to spot. It's when you see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat, that failing at one point means that you will continue to fail and fail and fail over and over and over again.
You fail a pop quiz and your brain says, "I always fail pop quizzes. I'm never going to be able to do them."
You put in a job application and get turned down and your brain thinks, "I'm never going to get a job. No one wants to hire someone my (age/size/sex/background/experience level)."
Your family doesn't enjoy the meal you prepare for them and your brain says, "They all hate my cooking. I don't see why I even keep trying."
You are trying to keep your living room tidy and once again it's messy and you say to yourself, "Just face it. This room will never be clean."
You are struggling to overcome a sinful habit. Once again you fail to reach your standard of behavior and you think, "I am such a loser. I'll never be able to be as good as I want to be. God's going to be so totally disappointed in me."
You are going through a rough patch in your efforts to pull together an activity for the teenagers in your congregation and as you drive home one night reviewing what you've done and what you have yet to do you hear your brain say, "This is never going to work."
Whether it's a response to a one-time event or a continued response to an ongoing struggle that will likely take a long time, that cognitive distortion habit of overgeneralization can be a real hope killer. It's also one of the first cognitive distortions that, when I learned about them, I recognized as one I had going around in my own brain. Becoming aware of it and of how it skewed the truth in my mind, taking a temporary set-back and reinterpreting it falsely into a prediction of ultimate failure, was eye-opening to me. Learning how to talk back to it with truth either out loud or in my mind made a huge difference in my capacities and vision and sense of light.
You fail a pop quiz and your brain says, "I always fail pop quizzes. I'm never going to be able to do them."
You put in a job application and get turned down and your brain thinks, "I'm never going to get a job. No one wants to hire someone my (age/size/sex/background/experience level)."
Your family doesn't enjoy the meal you prepare for them and your brain says, "They all hate my cooking. I don't see why I even keep trying."
You are trying to keep your living room tidy and once again it's messy and you say to yourself, "Just face it. This room will never be clean."
You are struggling to overcome a sinful habit. Once again you fail to reach your standard of behavior and you think, "I am such a loser. I'll never be able to be as good as I want to be. God's going to be so totally disappointed in me."
You are going through a rough patch in your efforts to pull together an activity for the teenagers in your congregation and as you drive home one night reviewing what you've done and what you have yet to do you hear your brain say, "This is never going to work."
Whether it's a response to a one-time event or a continued response to an ongoing struggle that will likely take a long time, that cognitive distortion habit of overgeneralization can be a real hope killer. It's also one of the first cognitive distortions that, when I learned about them, I recognized as one I had going around in my own brain. Becoming aware of it and of how it skewed the truth in my mind, taking a temporary set-back and reinterpreting it falsely into a prediction of ultimate failure, was eye-opening to me. Learning how to talk back to it with truth either out loud or in my mind made a huge difference in my capacities and vision and sense of light.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Cognitive Distortion # 3, Mental Filter
Mental filtering is akin to "discounting the positive" (distortion #4). Have you ever played a game and missed a goal you were positioned well for and then kicked yourself mentally for days over that missed shot? Or sung in a choir and come in loudly a measure too soon in one of the pieces and cringed for weeks afterwards as your mind reviewed it again and again? Or served as a missionary for a couple of years and, like most young missionaries, made a couple of really bad cultural faux pas in the course of your mission that still come leaping back to the forefront of your mind every time you reflect on your time there? Or made a presentation where most people responded positively but one person made a mild critique of it and you just can't stop feeling constantly awful about the thing he pointed out? Or had a medical procedure that was painful and then healed and all you focus on is how horrible the pain was? I know I have done some of those things.
When you have an experience that has a single negative detail and you dwell on and suffer over that one detail more than any other aspect of that experience you are doing mental filtering. I do it sometimes. It's hard to get my mind off that one negative. I think that's partly due to the fact that I, like many people, have grown up in a culture that teaches us to try to eliminate failures and mistakes in our lives, so we tend to notice and focus on them. However, there is a difference between noticing a mistake enough to change and avoid making it again and focusing on that mistake and beating yourself up about it for days, weeks, months or years afterwards. The former is being clear-eyed and on the road to improvement. The latter is called identifying yourself by your errors.
I think it's clear that identifying someone we know by her errors is one of the heights of disregard and cold-heartedness, that doing so makes it even harder for that person to have hope she can change or live an error down. We know that for the vast majority of people, including you, loving-kindness, not error-rehashing, is what enables them to change for the better. But those of us who wouldn't dream of doing that error-rehashing to others often easily do it to ourselves.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #4, Discounting the Positive
Mental filtering (above) is when you focus on one negative. Discounting the positive takes that one step farther, not only focusing on the negative but also actively rejecting the positive. It is when you reject positive experiences by telling yourself they either don't count or that they are not genuine. Here are some examples:
You are baking cookies for fun . You make five batches of chocolate chip cookies. The last batch burns because you were distracted by something else. You tell yourself "What a mess. I stink at making cookies." You have totally discounted the fact that you made four good batches of cookies and identify your success rate only by the one batch that burned. The positive has been completely discounted in the face of one negative.
Or you have accepted a new job with a new company and you are understandably a little nervous about this new chapter in your life . Your cousin tells you he's been reading up on that company and that he is really excited for you to be able to work there. He thinks their work is good and their company policies enlightened. And he says that he thinks you will really like working there. You tell yourself, "He's just saying that to make me feel good." You discount the positive observations and you also discount the value of the opinion of your cousin who is honestly expressing what he really thinks.
Discounting the positive not only brings you down but it also can sadly stifle your relationships with the people whose words you discount in your cognitively distorted thinking as well as prevent you from learning truths when they are spoken. Fortunately, when you recognize what you are doing you are on the first step to eliminating this nasty source of depression.
You are baking cookies for fun . You make five batches of chocolate chip cookies. The last batch burns because you were distracted by something else. You tell yourself "What a mess. I stink at making cookies." You have totally discounted the fact that you made four good batches of cookies and identify your success rate only by the one batch that burned. The positive has been completely discounted in the face of one negative.
Or you have accepted a new job with a new company and you are understandably a little nervous about this new chapter in your life . Your cousin tells you he's been reading up on that company and that he is really excited for you to be able to work there. He thinks their work is good and their company policies enlightened. And he says that he thinks you will really like working there. You tell yourself, "He's just saying that to make me feel good." You discount the positive observations and you also discount the value of the opinion of your cousin who is honestly expressing what he really thinks.
Discounting the positive not only brings you down but it also can sadly stifle your relationships with the people whose words you discount in your cognitively distorted thinking as well as prevent you from learning truths when they are spoken. Fortunately, when you recognize what you are doing you are on the first step to eliminating this nasty source of depression.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #5, Maginification and Minimization
Magnification is when you blow negative things way out of proportion and minimization is when you shrink good things down to almost nothing. For example, you are trying hard to reduce the amount of time you spend reading news and social media on the internet and you end up, one Saturday morning, spending 45 minutes online instead of the 30 you planned and you think, "Agh! I blew it! This is terrible! How awful! This is so, so, so disgusting I can hardly stand myself! That afternoon you spend three hours helping a young family move their furniture into their rented moving van, including wrestling their upright piano with five other guys down a flight of stairs. And when the mom in the family stops and expresses appreciation for all your help you say, "Nah. We didn't do much," and on the way home you berate yourself for being such an ineffective help when you are sure there are so many other people in the world who do so much more than you do to help their neighbors.
If you magnify all your errors and minimize all your good work, of course you are going to go through your days feeling like a loser or a failure, or at the least, quite hopeless about your ability to become who you wish to be. But the problem isn't you. Most of us, including you, fall within the normal range in our mixture of good choices and not-so-good ones. The problem is the lens through which you are viewing your particular mixture.
And that can be fixed.
If you magnify all your errors and minimize all your good work, of course you are going to go through your days feeling like a loser or a failure, or at the least, quite hopeless about your ability to become who you wish to be. But the problem isn't you. Most of us, including you, fall within the normal range in our mixture of good choices and not-so-good ones. The problem is the lens through which you are viewing your particular mixture.
And that can be fixed.
Friday, October 19, 2012
The Sermon on the Mount for 8 Year Olds
A brief respite between cognitive distortions.
While preparing my Sunday lesson it occurred to me that it might be helpful for me as I went about that to synopsize the Sermon on the Mount in a more accessible vocabulary. So I did. Here's the first draft for the first chapter, Matthew 5, starting with verse 16:
When you know a good and right way to live, live that way. That helps other people to see goodness and recognize the goodness of God.
You may get angry sometimes and that anger may make you want to do stupid or bad things. Anger can cause you to make very bad choices Be very wise. Be sure your reasons for anger are good ones. And no matter how much anger you feel, do good things because of it, not bad things. And certainly do not ever let your anger cause you to put down other people, no matter who they are.
Just don't make fun of other people, period.
So...instead....when you have a disagreement with someone or you are mad at them, work hard to find a solution that works for both of you. Working on that will make it much easier for you to hear and understand God's words when you worship at church.
Keep your thoughts focused on what is good, not on what feels exciting and pleasurable, because your thoughts are important as well as your actions.
Repent.
Speak the truth plainly.
Don't swear.
Don't try to make things right by getting even.
When someone makes you give away something or to do extra work, be nice about it and generous too.
Love your neighbor.
Love your enemy.
Be good to people even if they are nasty to you.
Pray for people who are mean.
Do your good deeds quietly. Don't feel like you need to get other people to praise you for doing good things.
Pray privately.
When you pray, say what you think and be respectful.
Be thankful.
Ask Heavenly Father for help and for forgiveness and for the things you need.
Forgive others.
When you fast, don't complain and groan about it.
Be focused on being and doing good, not on getting stuff.
See life clearly and recognize goodness.
Put God ahead of money in your heart.
Be merciful.
Don't judge unkindly.
Worry about your own sins, not other people's sins.
Treat sacred things with respect and share them wisely and with wise restraint.
When you need God's help, ask for it, seek it. You will find it.
Treat others the way you like to be treated.
Seek to live the way God wants you to live and to do what he wants you to do. Doing that leads to eternal life.
Watch what happens when other people make choices and do stuff. That will help you to tell whether or not they are honest and true and good and whether or not their ideas can be trusted.
Be sure that when you are doing something in Jesus' name that it really is what he wants you to be doing.
When you learn Jesus' teachings don't just listen to them, actually do what he teaches.
While preparing my Sunday lesson it occurred to me that it might be helpful for me as I went about that to synopsize the Sermon on the Mount in a more accessible vocabulary. So I did. Here's the first draft for the first chapter, Matthew 5, starting with verse 16:
When you know a good and right way to live, live that way. That helps other people to see goodness and recognize the goodness of God.
You may get angry sometimes and that anger may make you want to do stupid or bad things. Anger can cause you to make very bad choices Be very wise. Be sure your reasons for anger are good ones. And no matter how much anger you feel, do good things because of it, not bad things. And certainly do not ever let your anger cause you to put down other people, no matter who they are.
Just don't make fun of other people, period.
So...instead....when you have a disagreement with someone or you are mad at them, work hard to find a solution that works for both of you. Working on that will make it much easier for you to hear and understand God's words when you worship at church.
Keep your thoughts focused on what is good, not on what feels exciting and pleasurable, because your thoughts are important as well as your actions.
Repent.
Speak the truth plainly.
Don't swear.
Don't try to make things right by getting even.
When someone makes you give away something or to do extra work, be nice about it and generous too.
Love your neighbor.
Love your enemy.
Be good to people even if they are nasty to you.
Pray for people who are mean.
Do your good deeds quietly. Don't feel like you need to get other people to praise you for doing good things.
Pray privately.
When you pray, say what you think and be respectful.
Be thankful.
Ask Heavenly Father for help and for forgiveness and for the things you need.
Forgive others.
When you fast, don't complain and groan about it.
Be focused on being and doing good, not on getting stuff.
See life clearly and recognize goodness.
Put God ahead of money in your heart.
Be merciful.
Don't judge unkindly.
Worry about your own sins, not other people's sins.
Treat sacred things with respect and share them wisely and with wise restraint.
When you need God's help, ask for it, seek it. You will find it.
Treat others the way you like to be treated.
Seek to live the way God wants you to live and to do what he wants you to do. Doing that leads to eternal life.
Watch what happens when other people make choices and do stuff. That will help you to tell whether or not they are honest and true and good and whether or not their ideas can be trusted.
Be sure that when you are doing something in Jesus' name that it really is what he wants you to be doing.
When you learn Jesus' teachings don't just listen to them, actually do what he teaches.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #6a, The Fortune Teller Error
There are two cognitive distortions that fall into the category of "jumping to conclusions", ie: jumping to a negative assumption that is not justified by the facts of a situation.. One of these is the fortune teller error. This is when you imagine something negative that might happen and you jump from imagining that it might happen to being pretty convinced that it will.
For example, you leave a couple of messages for a parent of one of the children in your Sunday school class, asking her to call you back and let you know whether or not she can come help with the class the following Sunday. Days go by and you don't hear from her. You assume that she didn't call you back because she's avoiding you and hates helping in Sunday school (see mind reading, distortion #6b below) and when you start feeling bitter and disillusioned by what you perceive as her evasiveness and unwillingness to help you decide not to try to call her again because you are sure that she will only avoid and dislike you more and you will feel like a fool. You believe this prognostication, which leaves you disappointed, disgusted and resentful and you don't call her.
A few days later you find out that she never got your messages. You had done all that stewing over the yucky things that you predicted would happen if you tried to contact her again, for nothing.
Fortune telling.
For example, you leave a couple of messages for a parent of one of the children in your Sunday school class, asking her to call you back and let you know whether or not she can come help with the class the following Sunday. Days go by and you don't hear from her. You assume that she didn't call you back because she's avoiding you and hates helping in Sunday school (see mind reading, distortion #6b below) and when you start feeling bitter and disillusioned by what you perceive as her evasiveness and unwillingness to help you decide not to try to call her again because you are sure that she will only avoid and dislike you more and you will feel like a fool. You believe this prognostication, which leaves you disappointed, disgusted and resentful and you don't call her.
A few days later you find out that she never got your messages. You had done all that stewing over the yucky things that you predicted would happen if you tried to contact her again, for nothing.
Fortune telling.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Cognitive Distortion # 6b, Mind Reading
The second cognitive distortion that falls into the category of "jumping to conclusions", ie: jumping to a negative assumption that is not justified by the facts of a situation, is mind reading. This is where you assume that others are disappointed in you or looking down on you and you are so convinced of that that you don't bother to notice or ask or investigate whether or not that is true.
For example, you are giving a talk in church and a fellow in the middle of the center section is falling asleep. You immediately assume that it's because you aren't a good speaker or because he thinks your talk is boring. In this case, it's actually because he was up late the night before driving kids home from a dance, but you don't know that. You just automatically assume that it must be because he finds you lacking.
Or your co-worker passes you in the parking lot without saying hello because he's absorbed in trying to memorize a bunch of facts he needs for his next presentation . You erroneously conclude that his silence is because he doesn't value you as a worker or that he is mad at you because he doesn't like your last report.
Or your spouse is watching television and doesn't answer you when you ask her a question. Your heart sinks as you assume that your questions are not as important to her as they used to be. And you feel your levels of frustration rising.
Or you commit a sin and your mind tells you that God must be totally exasperated with you, or, at the least, completely disappointed in you, ignoring the facts that though he does not condone sin he also completely understands why you did it and totally and lovingly wants to help you do better.
The biggest immediate problem with this mind reading thing is that most of the time it propels you unnecessarily into actions of either a) withdrawal or b) resentment or of c) counter attack. Not only do these responses worsen relationships but it's a stark tragedy when you are propelled to make them based on assumptions that aren't true. So when you are mind reading, you are not only misunderstanding in ways that discourage you, but you also are more likely to respond in ways that make things worse.
Whether dealing with God, your grandmother, your neighbor or anyone else, mind-reading can take you quickly into the frying pan and from there into the fire. So much better, when you catch yourself mind-reading, to ask a question or two and find out what's really going on and then respond to that reality, instead of your mind-reading assumptions.
For example, you are giving a talk in church and a fellow in the middle of the center section is falling asleep. You immediately assume that it's because you aren't a good speaker or because he thinks your talk is boring. In this case, it's actually because he was up late the night before driving kids home from a dance, but you don't know that. You just automatically assume that it must be because he finds you lacking.
Or your co-worker passes you in the parking lot without saying hello because he's absorbed in trying to memorize a bunch of facts he needs for his next presentation . You erroneously conclude that his silence is because he doesn't value you as a worker or that he is mad at you because he doesn't like your last report.
Or your spouse is watching television and doesn't answer you when you ask her a question. Your heart sinks as you assume that your questions are not as important to her as they used to be. And you feel your levels of frustration rising.
Or you commit a sin and your mind tells you that God must be totally exasperated with you, or, at the least, completely disappointed in you, ignoring the facts that though he does not condone sin he also completely understands why you did it and totally and lovingly wants to help you do better.
The biggest immediate problem with this mind reading thing is that most of the time it propels you unnecessarily into actions of either a) withdrawal or b) resentment or of c) counter attack. Not only do these responses worsen relationships but it's a stark tragedy when you are propelled to make them based on assumptions that aren't true. So when you are mind reading, you are not only misunderstanding in ways that discourage you, but you also are more likely to respond in ways that make things worse.
Whether dealing with God, your grandmother, your neighbor or anyone else, mind-reading can take you quickly into the frying pan and from there into the fire. So much better, when you catch yourself mind-reading, to ask a question or two and find out what's really going on and then respond to that reality, instead of your mind-reading assumptions.
Saturday, October 06, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #7, Emotional Reasoning
Emotional reasoning happens when you take your emotions as evidence of truth. For example: " I feel like this job will never get done, so it won't." Or, "I feel overwhelmed and hopeless, therefore my problems will be impossible to solve." Or, "I feel angry at you and misunderstood by you therefore you must be an insensitive jerk." Or "I feel like a failure, therefore I am one."
Because you feel things are negative, you assume that they must be negative. And the fact is, emotions are simply emotions. They are not "things as they really are" to quote a very wise man*.
Perhaps you will recognize this phenomenon in your life. Most of us have it to some degree. One of the most common manifestations in my life is when I walk out into the garden and see all the weeds in it. My first reaction is discouragement at the work that will be involved to weed the garden. It feels like a disheartening, never-ending task which makes me feel lousy and want to put it off. But actually, when I finally get past my emotional reasoning and go do it, it's not disheartening work, it actually goes pretty well and I end with a sense of satisfaction.
The challenge is to be able to discern your feelings about things and separate those from your comprehension of things as they actually are.
*Thank you, Neal A. Maxwell
Because you feel things are negative, you assume that they must be negative. And the fact is, emotions are simply emotions. They are not "things as they really are" to quote a very wise man*.
Perhaps you will recognize this phenomenon in your life. Most of us have it to some degree. One of the most common manifestations in my life is when I walk out into the garden and see all the weeds in it. My first reaction is discouragement at the work that will be involved to weed the garden. It feels like a disheartening, never-ending task which makes me feel lousy and want to put it off. But actually, when I finally get past my emotional reasoning and go do it, it's not disheartening work, it actually goes pretty well and I end with a sense of satisfaction.
The challenge is to be able to discern your feelings about things and separate those from your comprehension of things as they actually are.
*Thank you, Neal A. Maxwell
Thursday, October 04, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #8, Should Statements
This is where you try to motivate yourself by saying "I should do this" or "I really ought to do that. Such statements to yourself generally cause you to feel pressured and guilty or pressured and resentful.
Similarly, when you direct should statements towards others it increases your sense of dissatisfaction and frustration. Thinking to yourself "he really should stop typing and pay attention to what is being said" will invariably increase your dissatisfaction and give room in your mind for further statements of resentment of the other person and discouragement about creating what you want to happen. (One of the most common ones to follow this are the "always" and "never" thoughts that are part of cognitive distortion #1.)
Should statements can generate a lot of unnecessary turmoil in your daily life and actually decrease your progress towards becoming the sort of charitable, loving, patient person that youshould want to become. They have great power to create loathing, guilt and discouragement about yourself or bitterness, disillusionment or self-righteousness in your reactions to the human failings of others.
Ultimately, you have to realize what God realizes; that people, including yourself, are imperfect and make mistakes and that He expects that. It's part of the plan. And the thing to do instead is to expect the imperfections of reality gracefully, respond wisely to them when you encounter them, and love and appreciate in spite of them, not reduce your reaction to a bunch of frustrating "shoulds".
Similarly, when you direct should statements towards others it increases your sense of dissatisfaction and frustration. Thinking to yourself "he really should stop typing and pay attention to what is being said" will invariably increase your dissatisfaction and give room in your mind for further statements of resentment of the other person and discouragement about creating what you want to happen. (One of the most common ones to follow this are the "always" and "never" thoughts that are part of cognitive distortion #1.)
Should statements can generate a lot of unnecessary turmoil in your daily life and actually decrease your progress towards becoming the sort of charitable, loving, patient person that you
Ultimately, you have to realize what God realizes; that people, including yourself, are imperfect and make mistakes and that He expects that. It's part of the plan. And the thing to do instead is to expect the imperfections of reality gracefully, respond wisely to them when you encounter them, and love and appreciate in spite of them, not reduce your reaction to a bunch of frustrating "shoulds".
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #9, Labeling and Mislabeling
Labeling is when you create a self-image based just on your errors. For instance, you put your foot in your mouth during a conversation and you say to yourself, "I'm a fool." Or you eat three pieces of fudge and you think, "How disgusting. I'm a pig."
You can also fall into the habit of labeling others. Your roommate never makes her bed and you think, "she's such a slob." Or your boss is often abrasive and short tempered and you label him as an "insensitive chauvinist" and complain about him every day.
Labeling yourself is depressing and labeling others makes you feel helpless and alienated. And it's also irrational. Your self and your value cannot be equated with any one thing you do or don't do. And neither can anyone else's. You, and every other person you know, is a complex, multi-faceted conglomerate of a multitude of learning, responding, thinking, ebbing and flowing, progressing and regressing, flow of emotions, responses, thoughts and actions. I believe that knowing that is one of the things that God sees and that makes it so easy for Him to see the worth of each soul. He, as well as we, can see that some of us are sometimes more in control of ourselves than others but none of us, even the worst of us, are just one thing and it is irrational to define any of us, in any moment of time, just by our inadequacies.
Labeling involves describing yourself, another person, or an event with words that paint a broad swath of emotionally laden negativity, instead of seeing and acknowledging the nuanced and intricate complexity and multi-faceted nature of human life.
You can also fall into the habit of labeling others. Your roommate never makes her bed and you think, "she's such a slob." Or your boss is often abrasive and short tempered and you label him as an "insensitive chauvinist" and complain about him every day.
Labeling yourself is depressing and labeling others makes you feel helpless and alienated. And it's also irrational. Your self and your value cannot be equated with any one thing you do or don't do. And neither can anyone else's. You, and every other person you know, is a complex, multi-faceted conglomerate of a multitude of learning, responding, thinking, ebbing and flowing, progressing and regressing, flow of emotions, responses, thoughts and actions. I believe that knowing that is one of the things that God sees and that makes it so easy for Him to see the worth of each soul. He, as well as we, can see that some of us are sometimes more in control of ourselves than others but none of us, even the worst of us, are just one thing and it is irrational to define any of us, in any moment of time, just by our inadequacies.
Labeling involves describing yourself, another person, or an event with words that paint a broad swath of emotionally laden negativity, instead of seeing and acknowledging the nuanced and intricate complexity and multi-faceted nature of human life.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Cognitive Distortion #10, Personalization
Personalization is when you assume responsibility for a negative in your life even when there is no basis for doing so. For example, your coworker, whom you've been mentoring, fails to receive any recognition awards at the department banquet and you feel guilty because of the thought "It's my fault that he didn't earn any recognition. It was my responsibility to see that he earned it. This just shows how I failed."
Another example might be one where you invite your boss and his family to dinner at your house on a Sunday evening and and at the last minute they call and cancel because of illness and your brain instantly tells you, "They cancelled. What did I do to foul things up?"
Or your eight month old wakes up three times each night for weeks on end and you hear, in your head, "She isn't sleeping through the night yet. I'm such a lousy parent."
Personalization causes you to feel crippling guilt as you confuse influence with responsibility for and control of outcomes. Certainly there are things that you can influence in the lives of those around you, but in the above cases you have confused that ability to influence (or not) with your control over others. And, you don't have control. Nor should you. Ultimately every person you know holds the secret to the key causes for their own actions, not you.
Have you ever heard yourself speak to yourself in this cognitive distortion of feeling that the failure of someone else or some project you are involved in means that you, personally, are a failure as well?
Most of us have at one time or another.
Another example might be one where you invite your boss and his family to dinner at your house on a Sunday evening and and at the last minute they call and cancel because of illness and your brain instantly tells you, "They cancelled. What did I do to foul things up?"
Or your eight month old wakes up three times each night for weeks on end and you hear, in your head, "She isn't sleeping through the night yet. I'm such a lousy parent."
Personalization causes you to feel crippling guilt as you confuse influence with responsibility for and control of outcomes. Certainly there are things that you can influence in the lives of those around you, but in the above cases you have confused that ability to influence (or not) with your control over others. And, you don't have control. Nor should you. Ultimately every person you know holds the secret to the key causes for their own actions, not you.
Have you ever heard yourself speak to yourself in this cognitive distortion of feeling that the failure of someone else or some project you are involved in means that you, personally, are a failure as well?
Most of us have at one time or another.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Fighting back against the C.D.s
Once you are familiar with cognitive distortions and recognize them in your own thought patterns, there are a couple of different ways to work on helping your brain move from cognitive distortion patterns to cognitive accuracy patterns. One of these is talking back to them. This involves three things:
1) Training yourself to recognize them, which you're well on the way to have done just by reading about them.
2) Learn why those thoughts are distorted. You've already done this too, probably.
3) Talk back to them.
So, let's say you suddenly realize you are late for a rendezvous with friends with whom you are making a two hour trip. Your heart sinks and you are gripped with panic. First, ask yourself "what thoughts are going through my head right now? What am I saying to myself? Why is this upsetting me?"
You may find that you've been saying to yourself "I never do anything right", or "I'm always late", or "they'll leave without me think I and everything I stand for is irresponsible and stupid", or "I'm such a failure" or "I really should have my act together better.". Can you tell which C.D.s those are?
(all-or-nothing, overgeneralization, fortune-telling, mind-reading, labeling, should statement)
Just as fast as these thoughts run through your mind your emotions plummet. They, not the situation, are the reason for your misery.
So, you consciously replace them, one by one with cognitive accuracies. I actually find it helpful to do this part out loud.
"No, actually, sometimes I do do things right. Everyone is a mix, including me."
"No, sometimes I'm on time. It's just this time that I'm late."
"Actually, they might be kind and wait. They might be late too. They might choose to denigrate me or they might choose to treat this with charity. I don't know what's in their minds or how they will respond. But I do now that my responsibility is to apologize and be gracious and I can do that.
"One mistake does not equal total failure. I am good at some things and not so good at others, but I am working at doing better and can continue to do so."
"'Should' will only make me beat myself up. 'I plan to do better next time' is a better way of approaching this and I do plan to watch the clock more carefully and I can tell them so and do so next time.
As you scurry out the door.
Some people who find their cognitive distortions extremely discouraging find it helpful to actually write down the cognitive distortions and their talk-back cognitive accuracies either in the moment or later in the day. There's something about writing it down and reading and seeing it clearly that makes it harder for your brain to believe "this talk-back stuff will never work for me". (jumping to conclusions)
1) Training yourself to recognize them, which you're well on the way to have done just by reading about them.
2) Learn why those thoughts are distorted. You've already done this too, probably.
3) Talk back to them.
So, let's say you suddenly realize you are late for a rendezvous with friends with whom you are making a two hour trip. Your heart sinks and you are gripped with panic. First, ask yourself "what thoughts are going through my head right now? What am I saying to myself? Why is this upsetting me?"
You may find that you've been saying to yourself "I never do anything right", or "I'm always late", or "they'll leave without me think I and everything I stand for is irresponsible and stupid", or "I'm such a failure" or "I really should have my act together better.". Can you tell which C.D.s those are?
(all-or-nothing, overgeneralization, fortune-telling, mind-reading, labeling, should statement)
Just as fast as these thoughts run through your mind your emotions plummet. They, not the situation, are the reason for your misery.
So, you consciously replace them, one by one with cognitive accuracies. I actually find it helpful to do this part out loud.
"No, actually, sometimes I do do things right. Everyone is a mix, including me."
"No, sometimes I'm on time. It's just this time that I'm late."
"Actually, they might be kind and wait. They might be late too. They might choose to denigrate me or they might choose to treat this with charity. I don't know what's in their minds or how they will respond. But I do now that my responsibility is to apologize and be gracious and I can do that.
"One mistake does not equal total failure. I am good at some things and not so good at others, but I am working at doing better and can continue to do so."
"'Should' will only make me beat myself up. 'I plan to do better next time' is a better way of approaching this and I do plan to watch the clock more carefully and I can tell them so and do so next time.
As you scurry out the door.
Some people who find their cognitive distortions extremely discouraging find it helpful to actually write down the cognitive distortions and their talk-back cognitive accuracies either in the moment or later in the day. There's something about writing it down and reading and seeing it clearly that makes it harder for your brain to believe "this talk-back stuff will never work for me". (jumping to conclusions)
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Quick review
Quick review
The 10 cognitive distortions are
1. All or nothing thinking. Everything's black or white. One error means black.
2. Overgeneralization. One negative means you can predict never-ending negatives.
3. Mental filter. You pick out a single negative and dwell on it exclusively.
4. Disqualifying the positive. You reject positive experiences or comments because "they don't count".
5. Jumping to conclusions
a. mind reading. You assume someone is thinking negatively of you.
b. fortune telling. You anticipate and expect things will go badly.
6. Magnification and Minimization. You exaggerate the importance of goof-ups and mistakes and minimize the importance of the good things you do.
7. Emotional reasoning. If I feel bad it must be bad.
8. Should statements. You try to motivate yourself with "shoulds", "musts" and "oughts" and the emotional consequence is guilt for yourself and frustration when you mentally use those words in connection with others.
9. Labeling and mislabeling. You attach negative labels to yourself and others.
10. Personalization. You see yourself as the cause of an external negative event that you were actually not responsible for.
So, with that review, can you identify which cognitive distortions are in the following scenario?
You've been reading sections of "Teaching, No Greater Call" about classroom discipline and applying the principles in it to the Sunday school class you teach. You've been doing it for several weeks and it seems to be making a difference. Then, suddenly, things in the classroom take a turn for the worse as a couple of kids in your class start acting out and in three consecutive weeks you are back to where you started. You feel bitter, disillusioned, hopeless and desperate due to thinking, "I'm not getting anywhere. These methods won't help after all. I should have things under control well by now. That 'improvement' was a fluke. I was fooling myself when I felt like things were going better, They really didn't. I'll never be able to get these kids to pay attention." Which of the following one or more cognitive distortions did you employ?
a) disqualifying the positive
b) should statement
c) all-or-nothing thinking
d) jumping to conclusions
e) emotional reasoning
scroll down
answer: all of them. Did you find some of them? Good! You could probably add "personalization" to the list if in fact the two kids are acting out due to chaos at home beyond your control.
Can you see how our thoughts and responses to a situation can create our emotions? And how distorted thoughts can mess up our emotions?
The goal, then, is to learn how to think thoughts based in reality, things as they really are, not in distortions of reality. And that can be done. The first step is to start identifying those distortions. And you just did that.
The next step is to talk back truth to them when they pop up in your brain.
The 10 cognitive distortions are
1. All or nothing thinking. Everything's black or white. One error means black.
2. Overgeneralization. One negative means you can predict never-ending negatives.
3. Mental filter. You pick out a single negative and dwell on it exclusively.
4. Disqualifying the positive. You reject positive experiences or comments because "they don't count".
5. Jumping to conclusions
a. mind reading. You assume someone is thinking negatively of you.
b. fortune telling. You anticipate and expect things will go badly.
6. Magnification and Minimization. You exaggerate the importance of goof-ups and mistakes and minimize the importance of the good things you do.
7. Emotional reasoning. If I feel bad it must be bad.
8. Should statements. You try to motivate yourself with "shoulds", "musts" and "oughts" and the emotional consequence is guilt for yourself and frustration when you mentally use those words in connection with others.
9. Labeling and mislabeling. You attach negative labels to yourself and others.
10. Personalization. You see yourself as the cause of an external negative event that you were actually not responsible for.
So, with that review, can you identify which cognitive distortions are in the following scenario?
You've been reading sections of "Teaching, No Greater Call" about classroom discipline and applying the principles in it to the Sunday school class you teach. You've been doing it for several weeks and it seems to be making a difference. Then, suddenly, things in the classroom take a turn for the worse as a couple of kids in your class start acting out and in three consecutive weeks you are back to where you started. You feel bitter, disillusioned, hopeless and desperate due to thinking, "I'm not getting anywhere. These methods won't help after all. I should have things under control well by now. That 'improvement' was a fluke. I was fooling myself when I felt like things were going better, They really didn't. I'll never be able to get these kids to pay attention." Which of the following one or more cognitive distortions did you employ?
a) disqualifying the positive
b) should statement
c) all-or-nothing thinking
d) jumping to conclusions
e) emotional reasoning
scroll down
answer: all of them. Did you find some of them? Good! You could probably add "personalization" to the list if in fact the two kids are acting out due to chaos at home beyond your control.
Can you see how our thoughts and responses to a situation can create our emotions? And how distorted thoughts can mess up our emotions?
The goal, then, is to learn how to think thoughts based in reality, things as they really are, not in distortions of reality. And that can be done. The first step is to start identifying those distortions. And you just did that.
The next step is to talk back truth to them when they pop up in your brain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)