Alma 34 (warning...long....)

Over the years I have run into way too many people who read the words of Amulek in the 34th chapter of Alma and believe that people they love are doomed if they do not repent and turn to God in this life. They become anxious and fearful for the souls of their loved ones, which gets in the way of their being hopeful and full of faith. The two verses that seem to be quoted the most frequently are verses 34 and 35. Thirty four talks about not “procrastinating the day of your repentance” and then verse 35 reads:

"For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold ye have become subjected to the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and hath no place in you, and the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked."

That certainly, at first glance, seems like a message of “get your act together and believe before you die or you are toast”, but if you read the whole chapter and take these two verses in context, the message is quite different and much more nuanced and subtle.

Amulek begins his discourse by adding his testimony to Alma’s of the divinity and of atonement of Jesus Christ and of the necessity for faith and repentance on our part (verses 1-16). He then strongly counsels his listeners to pray constantly and consistently and then, after developing faith and prayer, to become full of charity towards their fellow men (verses 17-30). He has, in a nutshell, covered the basics of the teachings of Christ: faith, repentance, prayer/communication with God and charity.

Having outlined the essential elements of Christian life he then begins to urge his listeners to embrace them now, and not put it off. You can see it in verses 31-34:

“harden not your hearts any longer”, “this life is the time”, “do not procrastinate”, “ye cannot say , when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent”

And then comes verse 35, and the casual reader thinks, “oh no! When he dies, it will be too late!” But a closer reading reveals that Amulek is not talking about physical death nor is he talking about a deadline. He is talking about spiritual death and about becoming.

Look at the messages in verses 31-36. In the interest of space I will just pull out the key phrases

31. “come forth and harden not your hearts any longer”: Hard heartedness is not helpful.
“now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent…immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you.” You can start to change now and you will immediately start reaping the blessings of forgiveness and redemption. There is no waiting for it, it is available right now. This is a message of hope.

32. “this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God”: The purpose of life on earth is to become the person God hopes we will be. That work is not just for our time in paradise or prison, it’s the purpose of our life now. And all the other things we think life is about, money, fame, power, stuff, romance, thrills, careers, athletics or whatever, are not what this life is about. Rather the things Amulek talked about before; developing faith, repentance, prayer/communication with God and charity, are the purpose of this life.

“and if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed”: First of all, what is “the night of darkness” that comes? It is not physical death. Doctrine and Covenants 84:54 sheds some light on this:

“your minds in times past have been darkened because of unbelief, and because you have treated lightly the things you have received”

Darkness comes from choosing not to believe and from refusing to take seriously the things that are important. When Amulek talks about the night of darkness he isn’t talking about death, he is talking about the point in one’s existence, either in this life or the next, when one becomes a person who has the light of truth within himself so seriously dimmed by unbelief and/or a failure to take seriously the pursuit, on any level, of faith, repentance, communication with God or charity, that he no longer finds any interest in nor will he make any effort to choose any of those things, preferring darkness to light. And the darkness isn’t just a little bit of darkness, but a night of darkness. Amulek is talking about a spiritual state of being, a spiritual, not a physical death.

34. This verse challenges the assumption that some of Amulek’s hearers have that they can postpone this hopeful change and repentance, which he outlined in verse 31, until after they hit this dark point described in verse 33 (which they may actually think they may not ever hit if they play their cards right). And he also addresses those who think they might postpone this change until after they have finished all their earthly pursuits and are in the next life, those who think that it will be easy to change their minds and hearts when they stand before God and therefore hope to live it up in this life, postponing their repentance, thinking it will be easy to switch after they’ve finished. You might call this latter the “have their cake and eat it too” crowd. “Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis [the ”night of darkness” of verse 33] that I will return to my God…that same spirit that doth possess your bodies at the time that you go out of this life…will have the power to posses your body in the eternal world”. You may notice that in these words Amulek is also addressing those who believe they can change anytime they want, they just don’t want to right now. It is a common refrain heard among us all, and most commonly pointed out in the lives of those who are addicted to substances. But we all employ that rationalization about the sins we enjoy and wish to keep a little bit longer before we give them up. Amulek’s message is that it will be just as hard then as it is now, so postponing it is not as smart a plan as you might think or hope it might be. (And look at all the smart reasons to begin to repent now in verse 31.)

35. “if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death” What kind of death? Remember verse 32? Spiritual death. It’s clear from the ensuing phrases that this is what he is describing: “behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil…the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked”. Here he is warning again against thinking it is worth it to put off repentance and change. He is saying that it is even possible to keep putting it off so long that you get yourself so far down the path of sin and darkness that you have completely given yourself over to embracing darkness and closed yourself off from the light of the Holy Spirit. This, he says, is where determined unrepentance will ultimately (not just 200 years from now, but ultimately) land you if you do not ever choose to turn back. This is, actually, an interesting discussion of what damnation (“the final state of the wicked”) really is. It is not just a judgment call by God. It is the ultimate natural consequence of many, many continuous choices to embrace sin and reject repentance over a very long period of time.

Amulek finishes his discourse by outlining, in verses 37-41, things we can do to assist the repentance process which he hopes we will choose now instead of procrastinating it. Having outlined the basics of Christian life and exhorted his hearers to repentance and frankly addressing the pitfall of procrastination he knows we will be tempted fall into instead, he describes all the principles and tools that will help us to make that repentant change of heart. These verses describe the ever-so-helpful practices of confessing Christ, listening to the Holy Spirit, humility, worship, thanksgiving, recognition of God’s mercy, watchful prayer, patience, bearing afflictions, returning kindness for reviling, and hope.

Amulek’s discourse is not a “do it now or it will be too late when you die” sermon. It is a discourse on the essentials of Christian discipleship, a call to repentance, a promise of the blessings that come from that, a warning about the lies of the temptation of procrastination, a discussion of spiritual death, and an outline of the principles and practices God has given us to help us to avoid that spiritual death both in this life and in every aspect of our eternal existence. It is a message of hope the veracity of which you can see playing out its light in the life of every person you know, including yourself, who is, on any level, no matter how imperfectly or far from the mark, desiring to do and/or be good. And it is counsel to you and me to hope, have faith in Christ, love, repent and praise and employ the merciful aid of God in our lives now, not later.

Why I Blog:

I blog for three reasons. One is to share photos with family far away. One is to keep track of links to ideas that I find compelling. And the last is to have a place where I can write what I'm mulling or learning.

The last is the most prone to difficulties. I have a brain that heads into essay writing mode every once in a while. It tends to move on its own accord from mulling to composing and so I write for two reasons. The first is to sort and clarify those thoughts for myself since getting the thoughts down in that way seems to free my mind for whatever learning or thinking comes next. The second is because, if I don't write it, my brain keeps revisiting it and revising it. It's easier to get it down into print where I can read it and edit it, rather than having to keep all those composed sentences and paragraphs in their various draft forms organized in my head.

I am an imperfect writer. I do not always articulate well what I am thinking. Sometimes I leave important considerations or details out. Sometimes my choice of words is inadequate or not precise enough. More times than I would wish, in my lifetime, I have written inexactly enough that I have been misunderstood and have inadvertently given rise to assumptions I wouldn't even dream of including.

Since this blog has received more visits in the recent past than it did earlier, I thought I should explain the above and just say that when you visit you are welcome. I hope that you will find it mildly interesting and ask that you not only be understanding about the flaws and the unsettling bits but that you also feel free to point them out so that I can revisit and rearticulate them more accurately. I will find that helpful.

Gr.Gr.Gr. Grandfather James Dunster

James Dunster (1831-1907) with his three living sons, from right to left, Jacob Jones Dunster (1858-1918), James Matthew Dunster (1871-1960) and Samuel Lewis Dunster (1878-1892). Estimated date of photograph: about 1888

His oldest child, Mary Elizabeth, is the child in this family who is our ancestor.

This Used to be Our Back Lawn in our Small Backyard

Zucchini in the foreground, tomatoes to the right. Greens and herbs and flowers coming along. Melons just starting to take over the rear. I'm impressed with the beds and paths Lewis made.

Family Literacy

Bowdlerizing Cinderella

As a child I was mesmerized by folk and fairy tales, legends and myths. I would get lost in Andrew Lang’s fairy tale books and I read and re-read retellings of ancient Greek myths, Aesop’s fables, Robin Hood and King Arthur’s court. They affirmed my belief and hope that right choices were worth fighting for, that paying attention to wise advice was a smart thing to do, that the underdogs were right to stay firm in their integrity even when they were outnumbered, and that goodness, even if it was not rewarded, was worth standing for. As an adult I read Bruno Bettleheim’s, The Uses of Enchantment, which won a National Book Award in 1977 and in which he discussed the developmental and symbolic importance of traditional fairy tales for the emotional health of children. He made a particular point of including traditional, strong worded tales that included swift and violent justice such as those collected by the Grimm brothers. He believed that reading or hearing such tales helped children develop their own sense of justice, right, courage and heroism in the face of great odds and sometimes overwhelming fear or helplessness. I recognized the truth of what he was trying to say. Those tales had been a source of moral compass to me as a child at times when I felt like I was unable to change circumstances around me controlled by people who had more power than I.

This week I read an article by Jane Yolen about the mass media dumbing down of Cinderella. She contrasted the early versions of this universal tale with the sugar sweet versions of the last 100 years or so. In early versions Cinderella continues, in spite of her stepmother’s scorn, to perform proper rites and rituals at her mother’s grave and to enlist assistance from birds who roost there (Grimm), packs up her belongings and seeks and gets work at the castle (French), makes intelligent suggestions when her fairy godmother is momentarily confused and double-talks her sisters after the ball to find out what they thought without revealing that she was there (Perrault). Her step-mother and step-sisters invariably get their come-uppance, often violently, either self-inflicted or pronounced by those in power.

Contrast these determined, hardy, helpful, and clever Cinderellas with the ones more commonly published since 1900, including the ubiquitous Disney version who pays no attention to the warnings of the mice, cowers as her stepsisters tear her dress to shreds and whose ability to meet up with the prince a second time requires neither determination, intelligence, or willingness to work and collaborate, but instead depends on the cleverness of those same mice. For her, her successful thwarting of her opposition comes from others, requiring no more than dreamy wishing and general niceness and submission on her part. And her step-family never experiences any consequences other than embarrassment, disappointment or dismay.

I don’t know why 20th century mass media fairy tale telling took this sort of turn. I suspect that popular culture changed in its notion of the artistic feminine ideal, the tellers changed their tales to please and to reflect that change, and as a result young children who only heard the modern versions missed out on the moral lessons and courage building that came to previous generations of children from the older tales.

And that leads me to think about the kind of religious stories we tell our children. The old scriptural versions of godly men and women were strong-minded actors; Eve, making a choice, owning up to it, and gaining insight into the good that came from that choice. Ruth, choosing to brave poverty in a strange land in order to help her widowed mother-in-law instead of returning to the comfort of her parents’ home. Deborah, judging Israel with wisdom, speaking truth to Barak and accompanying him to battle to overthrow Caananite oppression. Zipporah who, when her husband was too faint-hearted to circumcise his sons as a token of dedication, took a knife and did the job herself. Enoch who spoke out in spite of his slow speech. Daniel who chose to pray knowing that the den of lions would likely be the consequences. Mary Magdalene who got up at the crack of dawn on a morning of great sorrow to do the work of embalming the dead. These are people who both HUMBLY AND FIRMLY acted out their conscience, put their hearts into what they thought was right, lived by those principles in spite of facing huge challenges and found it worth the effort. Scriptural stories of men and women of God have the potential to help children develop emotional strength and moral compass in a manner similar to the one that folk tales do, but their power to do so diminishes if we fail to tell them as they are written.

I think that just as 20th century tale-tellers fell into the trap of changing their stories to reflect modern artistic ideals, whatever they might have been at the time, so do 20th and 21st century religious storytellers face a similar temptation as they retell stories of strong women or men in the scriptures. Whether those ideals include modern notions of helplessness and power-abdicating submission on one extreme, or modern notions of autonomous, arrogant self-sufficiency on the other, or whatever variation between the two we happen to subscribe to, we all run the risk of bowdlerizing the original stories and thereby failing to give our young listeners the opportunity to use the originals to find their own strengths and vision.

What positive experiences with old versions of stories from folktales, myths, legends and ancient scripture did you have as a child?

Learning from My Grandmothers

I am at a stage in life where I have the means and time to research and write family history so I increasingly find myself immersed in stories and accounts written by the women in my family tree and their family members and peers. Every one of those women encountered tragedies and struggles in their lives. There is not a single exception. Sorrow is a part of each of their stories. So I have been thinking about sadness and its relationship to the gospel of Christ.

One great grandmother, Moriah, who was born in a small southern Utah town, buried ten of her thirteen children before they reached the age of 18. Another step-great, great grandmother, Sarah, received the gospel with her family as a young woman in a mining town in England, fell in love with and married a fine, young miner in that town who was a member of her congregation and was raising two children when her husband, as her father had been before him, was killed in a mining explosion. She used the money the mine gave her for compensation for the death of her husband to emigrate to Utah shortly after which her youngest child died. She met, loved and married my great, great grandfather and raised his three boys, her remaining daughter, and a passel of subsequent children, some of whom lived and some of whom did not.

My grandmother, Mariah’s daughter, told me stories of Mariah’s constant kindness and business-like determination to organize her Relief Society work to reach out to families in her community who were in need of food and help. She called her an angel.

Sarah was known for her careful, kind years of work as a member of her town’s “burial committee”, responsible for the washing, laying out of the body, sewing and clothing and flowers needed by a family in grief. Her granddaughter, Vida, remembers her for her ability to see the beauty in nature, her gratitude and fortitude as well as her quiet, dignified manner.

I did not know Mariah or Sarah, but I did know Ida, my calm, devout, sweet-smelling great grandmother who grew up with an absent father, lost a baby girl at birth, lost an energetic, strapping, son to a sudden illness when he was 18, and nursed her husband through years of multiple sclerosis. She used to recite long stretches of poetry to me, bake bread for us when my mom was sick, and beat me thoroughly at Scrabble.

All three of these women were thoroughly devoted to God and to the church. All three of them experienced times of terrific sorrow, struggle and loss. And all three found that the former helped them through the latter.

Nowadays I spend my Sundays teaching a Primary class. Every once in a while the lesson manual will tell a story, either from the scriptures or from a person’s life, about a choice wisely made, and include the question, “How do you think so-and-so felt when he did that?” And the children, having heard such questions before, will answer with a bit of a sing-song tone, “ha—ppy”. And then I have to get them to think deeper than that.

Wise choices don’t make happiness. Neither does living the gospel of Christ mean that we will always be happy. But I wonder if sometimes we don’t think they are supposed to. Perhaps that is because we read “Man is that he might have joy” and think that joy means happiness and that having means always. Perhaps it is because we read Joseph Smith’s comment that, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence”, and think that means that if we are living the gospel we are happy, and that unhappiness is therefore a sign of not living it, since, as we also know, “wickedness never was happiness”. And we neglect to realize that Joseph Smith goes on to say that “virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness” lead to happiness, not that they guarantee it every moment, here and now.

Perhaps some of this is behind the push for perkiness we find in some Mormon women’s circles; the sense of failure if they are not acting or feeling chipper or always focusing on the silver lining. I recall a young friend’s irrational dismay and sense that something was wrong with her when, after breaking up with her boyfriend, she “just couldn’t seem to be happy”. We sometimes think that living the gospel means we are always happy. But that is not the gospel.

I find wisdom in the words of Henry Ward Beecher. “Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober, not to make us sorry, but wise.”

I think we modern women, protected somewhat by modern medicine and technology from the extent of sorrow our ancestors experienced , have lost our vision of the power of soberness and wisdom that comes as part of wading through affliction with God. Sorrow, sadness and heartache are not a manifestation of an absence of faith, nor a failure on our part, nor an abandonment of the grace of God. It is rather, a universal experience through which we all pass.

I remember a conversation I had with a thoughtful, old stake patriarch when I was a teenager. He had lost a son in a random shooting a few years before. He taught me that pain, struggle and heartache are what teach us to truly appreciate joy and truth. His comment was that the purpose of the gospel wasn’t to make you happy, but to transform your life from what it would otherwise be if you didn’t have it.

And it does transform it from what it otherwise might be. Recently two of my dear friends, one who understands and feels the love of God and one who does not, tragically lost a child to SIDS. I have spent hours listening to them mourn, talk and struggle through their terrific losses. And I see the empowering nature of a connection with God as I walk these two parallel paths with them. Both are terrifically bereft and sad. But the one who feels a connection with God is finding strength in a resource that the other is not able to find right now. I also know that both will feel that loss all of their lives. I know my great grandmother did.

Sorrow is an intrinsic part of life. If we spend our lives trying to avoid it or feeling like a failure when we experience it, we are missing important truths. An understanding of God doesn’t take away sorrow, but it does have the ability to sustain us and empower us as we fully experience it.

Pinning in the 21st Century

When my mother was a college student, more than half a century ago, there was “pinning”. A boy would give a girl his fraternity pin to wear to signify that they were in a serious relationship. If you were in high school or were not a member of a fraternity, you could give her your class ring to wear on a chain around her neck. The practice has dwindled considerably since then, though there are a few mid-western campuses where frats keep this tradition, some more elaborately than others.

When I was a child, there was “going steady”. You actually asked the girl if she would go steady with you and you became an official couple. Sometimes it meant she wore your school jacket.

When I was a teenager we were in the midst of the Haight-Ashbury phenomenon. Nothing was official. In high school you might have a boyfriend or girlfriend you were "serious with”, but it was never officially announced. It just happened.

When I was in college having someone you were serious about was something you never discussed. We were serious about ideas and our education and life. A girl might have a guy she loved and spent time with and she might even be living with him, but it was something on the side, not the center. People would think you were weird or needy if you were focused on defining that relationship.

After I married L., I didn’t pay much attention to what the latest form of establishing a serious romantic relationship was like, so I can’t fill in the ensuing decades. But I am intrigued by the latest one I encountered this week: a facebook notification that you’ve been sent a relationship request. A young friend recently posted his delight at having received one and changing his facebook status to "in a relationship with _________". Good heavens. Officialdom with the click of a button, miles away from the object of your delight and affection.

Things do change.

Faith and Doubt

"Faith and doubt both are needed – not as antagonists, but by working side by side to take us around the unknown curve."
~Lillian Smith (American writer, 1897-1966)

I just finished reading Robert Millet's April 27th BYU-H devotional address in which he discusses what he's learned from his own and other's experiences with doubt, despair, faith, fortitude and decision. I recommend it, particularly his references to John, chapter 6, and the words of Mother Teresa, David Steinmetz, Orson Pratt and Neal Andersen.

You can read it here.

Lessons from a Sojourn Spent Camping on a Sunny Island

1. It is happier to choose to do than to feel that one must do.

2. Watch the beauty.

3. Less stuff to take care of = more time to observe the beauty.

4. Fewer obligations (self-imposed or other-imposed) = more time to listen and to help.

5. Sunscreen and bugspray are helpful.

6. Find time for sunshine and exercise every possible day.

7. Make sure your perspective on life includes the natural world.

Modern Idolatry

"We don't build golden calves anymore, but we do carve out a pan of brownies and say, 'Oh pan of brownies, you calm my nerves.' Or, 'Oh pan of brownies, you ease my pain. Oh brownies, you help me forget my troubles.'" ~ Gwen Shamblin, Rising Above the Magnetic Pull of the Refrigerator

The Purpose of the Task is to Strengthen the Relationship

I have been reading and re-reading Boyd Packer’s conference address. Some have found it troubling, but I think that is simply because they were expecting certain issues to be addressed and they were not and they feel keenly that disappointment.

But if you read it as it is intended, a call to a higher vision of service and care to the men of the church, there are some good principles worth noting

1. The story of Gideon; a call for each of us to avoid complacency and to be alert and ready to listen and serve in our respective callings and responsibilities. It is far too easy to just go with the program and neither be prepared for nor hear God's vision of the work you are called to do.

2. A distinction between authority, which comes with ordination, and power, which comes through abiding in Christ and acting as he would. There are way too many with authority but without power.

3. A clarification of what all the organizations in the church are supposed to be doing TOGETHER, strengthening and nurturing and helping families and individuals live together in love, NOT running programs or just getting things done. We have so very, very far to go in helping ward leaders catch this vision and getting them to work well together.

4. A clear message that the ordinances are not the purpose of priesthood work. Eternal life with all its celestial relationships in the presence of God is the purpose. Getting the ordinances done is secondary to enabling loving relationships and familial service.

To Cheer and to Bless

Simeon and Anna by Rembrandt van Rijn

A couple of weeks ago L. got a call from a friend, T. asking if he would be available that morning to go to the hospital with him to give a child a blessing. Dear friends of their family, members of another faith, had a child with a terminal illness who was there and they had been touched and open to T. and his wife’s offer of a priesthood blessing. L. said sure and about half an hour later T. and his wife, J. came by to pick him up for that. He came home an hour or so later, moved by the experience and grateful to have been asked to assist.

Later that week I was listening to another conversation about women and the priesthood. There were the usual ideas as to why just men hold it now on the part of some, the usual confusion combined with some angst and frustration on the part of others, and the usual questions without definite answers. I mostly listened. I feel like we don’t know why men have the priesthood and women don’t right now. I understand why people try to make educated guesses or theories as to why it is the way it is. It’s human nature to seek for reasons. And as usual with human nature, it’s flawed. I am also certain that the genderized status of priesthood holding that exists now is not an eternal state. And I understand my sisters’ confusion and irritation, but feel none personally, so I mostly just listen.

Subsequently I attended a meeting in which a general authority said he thought that women didn’t hold the priesthood because they don’t need it. That is one of the more commonly expressed theories, and though I was pretty sure it is not the real reason (no Spirit testifying), I could understand why he would think that way. Such things do not bother me. I lived as a teenager in the 1960s and 70s and heard all kinds of theories over various pulpits about why people of African descent did not hold priesthood in our church and later heard Bruce McConkie (one of the more adamant theorizers) thoroughly retract his erroneous theorizing and recognize it as such in 1978. I figure that history repeats itself and will continue to do so.

I began thinking about stories I had read in an article that covered the history of women giving blessing in earlier church history. I wondered what it would be like if women in our church held the priesthood now. It occurred to me that if the sisters in my Relief Society were given priesthood and the responsibility to bless, things might be a bit different. In such a situation, if a sister in my ward called upon me for a blessing one morning, who would I call to come give that with me? Probably not my husband. His work commitments make it difficult for him to leave in the middle of the day. Certainly not any of the other men in our ward. That would feel awkward and slightly inappropriate in current culture. I’d call on another sister. I think most women would.

What if women were giving blessings? What percentage of the women in my ward would start calling on sisters for blessings, making them the first ones turned to? Probably a significant percentage, if not an outright large majority. Women are often more comfortable with women. Men on the other hand, are usually more comfortable with men. We would likely see fewer interactions between the sexes when it came to blessings.

I shared my musings with L. He thought about the blessing he had been able to participate in at the hospital a few weeks before. If there had been two women with priesthood there, he says, he is absolutely sure that the two men would have bowed out and politely suggested to the women that they perform the blessing. No question. I wonder if that would not be happening all over on a large scale; thoughtful men, selflessly or with a sense of relief, passing along the opportunity to bless.

But then (and this is what struck me) he said that he had been thinking about watching T. and his wife, J. at the hospital. J. had been the one to touch the father, embrace the mother and articulate lovingly the words of comfort and friendship and peace to them. He and T., he said, stood solemnly and carefully and gently performed the ordinance, but neither of them had the skills J. used to comfort and bless. He said it was enlightening to watch T. and J. use their gifts in tandem to bless that family and how it united the two of them. The power of both together was far more than the sum of the two independently.

I think we don’t often see those gifts in tandem in the same room at the same time. Sisters and brothers tend to do their godly work separately. Because we are humans in a telestial world, we tend, even the most enlightened of us, to place more value on the work that the men are doing, even though we give lip service to both, which is part (by no means all, I admit) of the reason that this division of labor feels so unfair to some. In the good scenarios of church work we see men and women in the church counsel together and keep each other appraised of their work. In the best scenarios they work totally in synch, as one. Way too often most of the work of one group is done independent of the other, with occasional calendaring involved.

I do not offer these observations as “the reason why” women do not currently hold the priesthood. I don’t know why and will not pretend to. Nor do I think this is "the reason". But these experiences have reminded me of God’s commandments that we work together as one, not just with those who have the same gifts we do, but also with those whose gifts are different. (1st Corinthians 12) And I have a bit of a better view of why that working together in unity is important to Him.

What I learned this year

http://forsakingthekingdom.blogspot.com

General and Personal Revelation

I thought this was a thoughtful articulation of the role of both in our lives.

Things of My Soul: General vs. Personal Revelation: An Insightful Distinction

Being personally responsible for my own responses

Let’s say that you invite me to go on a long run with you and I do so, even though I don’t run regularly, have sky high blood pressure, regularly eat fatty food, am 100 pounds overweight and am a closet smoker. After awhile I’m exhausted but my pride keeps me going and you encourage me and at about mile three I keel over with a heart attack. As I talk to my husband the next day from my hospital bed, I blame it all on you for inviting me to run with you.

Did you cause my heart attack? Ridiculous. It was my years of smoking, lack of exercise, pride, diet and obesity as well as my choice to engage in the running with you that caused the attack. I was a heart attack waiting to happen. You just gave me an opportunity to have it.

In a similar way, the regular, ordinary people with whom I interact each day may affect the way I feel at any given moment, but their contribution to that is minor. The bulk of the way I feel when I am feeling angry or hurt or frustrated or annoyed or inadequate in a relationship is due to my lifetime of events and feelings and/or my current physical/emotional state, not the person with whom I am interacting. As a matter of fact, if I’m bad enough off, the person may do absolutely nothing and I’ll still respond badly. (Really embarrassing.)

Similarly feeling love and peace, and expressing those things, are also hugely dependent not upon the regular, ordinary people with whom I am interacting (be they acting “loveable” or not), but rather upon my choices (some past, all present) and my ability to tap into and channel God’s love.

Jacob’s words come to mind: “Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.”

It is true that it is God’s grace that makes up for our imperfections and sins and lack of ability throughout our lives. And it is also, I am convinced, what makes it possible for us to fully love as he does, which is essential to salvation. Reconciliation with Him, that sense of understanding and connection with Him, enables that grace of loving, I think.

Not that I've got that down, by any means. But it seems to be worth trying to embrace.

Some things are still true.

Maria Edgeworth 1767-1849

"You surprise me doctor", said lady Delacour; "for I assure you that you have the character of being very liberal in your opinions."

"I hope I am liberal in my opinions," replied the doctor, "and that I hope to give your ladyship proof of it."

"You would not then persecute a man or woman with ridicule for believing more than you do?" said lady Delacour.

"Those who persecute, to overturn religion, can scarcely pretend to more philosophy, or more liberality, than those who persecute to support it," said Dr. X--

From "Belinda", published in 1801

Submit yourselves therefore unto God. (James 4:7)

The word “submit” as it is translated in the KJV New Testament has an interesting meaning, different from the one we give that word in modern usage. Verses there tell us to “submit” to God and to each other (See also Romans 10:3 and Ephesians 5:21, etc.). The word is most commonly a translation of one form or another of the Greek word “hupotassomai”, which is “to have a voluntary attitude of being responsive to the needs of others”. In other words, it is coming to a state of being where you choose to listen and respond to the thoughts and understanding of another as much as you do your own. It’s an action born of unselfish respect and love for other. Jesus’ loving “submission” to the will of the Father throughout his life was the ultimate example of this.
It may be an easier thing to do when life is going well, but one of the biggest challenges we face when we are hurt and hurting is that of being so overwhelmed by what we are feeling that we are unable to stop our minds from going over and over and over it again and again. That’s normal. And also, that constant self-conversation makes hearing and paying kind heed to anyone else’s thoughts, including God’s, very difficult. And I’m sure he understands that and takes that into consideration.
Personally, in difficult times, it is only after I have been able to get far enough along in a sorrow that I can get my mind to start to shut up a little about the injustices or pain I feel, that I am able to begin to emerge and really hear and engage in hupotassomai to my fellow human beings or to God without filtering everything they say or need through my own personal pain. It takes some time to get there. It is a process of emerging and seeing self and others more clearly and lovingly apart from my pain. (Whereas the modern meaning would imply that I was to acquiesce to the will of others without argument while still fully consumed by my sorrow or pain. Very different.)
Anyway, understanding the difference between the modern and Greek meanings of the word makes a difference for me.

Jared's barges

An interesting way to envision them:

And the disciples rebuked them...

But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

Usually when we talk about that scripture we talk about how we must become childlike in order to enter the kingdom of God. But I think there’s another piece here. The disciples were feeling annoyed at the interruption of unpredictable and intrinsically distracting and wiggly children. Little children are not the most sober, quiet, cooperative or reasonable people to have around. (I understand that. We have about 40 of them, under the age of 4, in our sacrament meeting each Sunday and it’s hard to focus or hear sometimes, no, often.) But Jesus is saying that they, like every other distracting or difficult person who seeks God, are part of the kingdom of God. To be worthy of membership in the kingdom of God we must learn to live peaceably and charitably, and at peace with the people in the group that we are more likely to find annoying. He is telling his disciples that he is requiring that they (and we) see and love and be patient with people in our congregations who are difficult for us to spend time with due to their youth, their senility, their illness, their disabilities, their troubles or their oddities. That’s not always easy. Fortunately, as you know, Moroni pointed out that charity is a gift we can pray to receive. We can actually ask to be given the gift to respond wisely with charity towards and actually love those we find are difficult to be patient with. The gift may come slowly as we go through a learning process and may take time but it does come. It’s quite remarkable.

I certainly took our children out to listen elsewhere when they were small and squawky and remember years of not hearing much due to their wiggles and whispered interactions in the chapel. But it was worth the time spent, and it behooves me to to peacefully allow other young families the blessings we received because of those years of attendance.

So that’s what’s been on my mind today.

Thankful for the blessing of a very good father.

What a wonder he has been in my life. Thank you, Dad.

So many books. So little time to read.

Today I perched myself on a chair in the livingroom to eat my sandwich and suddenly realized that I was doing so simply because the kitchen and diningroom tables were too covered with books and papers to make a comfortable space for lunch.

I'd like to believe that it is just a manifestation of my literary and academic bent. But I think it is more likely a commentary on my housekeeping skills.

Time for some spring tidying up.

While preparing a Primary Easter Sunday lesson

The request of the mother of Zebedee's sons, Jerome Nadal, S.J., 1507-1580
And Jesus going up to Jerusalem took the twelve disciples apart in the way, and said unto them, "Behold, we go up to Jerusalem; and the Son of man will be betrayed unto the chief priests and unto the scribes, and they shall condemn him to death, and shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock, and to scourge, and to crucify him; and the third day he shall rise again."
Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. And he said unto her, "What wilt thou?" She sayeth unto him, "Grant that these two sons may sit, the one on they right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom."

It struck me as I read this; here Jesus has outlined the horrendous things he will go through for us and the incomprehensibly wonderful gift of resurrection that he will provide for us and the first thing after that is a request by an anxious mother about his future approbation and recognition of her sons. Is it because I saw myself in her that this verse stopped me in my tracks?

How often do I blithely skim over the overwhelming gifts of resurrection, justification, sanctification, and forgiveness that Jesus offers me, or how hugely different eternity for me is because of that, and instead just focus on whether I or my loved ones are being good or being recognized as good by him. How short-sighted I can be.

It's not about me. It's about HIM. When I stop to think about what he did and how that changes all that's possible or what my future would be without what he did, I am appalled at my self-focus and the insufficiency of my gratitude and awe.

Trainers, back in February

I like looking at the expressions on their faces as they contemplate what's next.

Agency, Truth and Love at Christmas

I remember when I was 4  years old asking my father if Santa was real.  “Santa is people who love you,” he said with a smile.  

 “Noooooo!  He’s the guy who brings you presents on Christmas!” my little brother and I exclaimed, and ran to mom for reinforcements.

 Mom asked what dad had said and, when we explained, she said she thought he was right.  Appalled, we raced back to our dad and tried for the next 10 minutes to bully him into admitting we were right.  He simply smiled and pleasantly stuck to his story as he would for the next 35 years as he raised children.  We gave up on him.  And a few days later, under the tree, sure enough, there were presents from Santa.

 Every Christmas to this day we have received presents from Santa.  What I realized later is that my dad had given us the gift of choosing when we would transition from delightful engagement in the Santa story to the even sweeter story of being given gifts by those who love us.  My siblings and I could indulge in Santa imaginings for as long as we liked (which we continued to do for years)  and could choose to transition out of that at our own pace in our own time.

 My father was always big on allowing his children to choose and also big on letting them know they were loved.  I didn’t realize until years later how deftly he had incorporated both of these things into his Santa story.  And it took me awhile to see how he had helped our eventual transition not be one of belief to unbelief, but rather to one of belief in something good to belief in something familiar and even better.

Be not afraid, only believe.

In the last General Conference, Neal Anderson said, "Fear and faith cannot exist in our hearts at the same time," and quoted Jesus' words to Jairus in Mark 5:36, "Be not afraid, only believe."

Since fear is a part of my human experience this statement is a bit disconcerting.  I consider myself a person of faith, but fear is something I experience.  What does that say about my faith?

Looking at the story of Jairus what was he afraid of?  At what point does Jesus say 'be not afraid, only believe?"

Jairus had gone to find Jesus to plead with him to come and heal his dying daughter.  They are delayed by Jesus' stop to minister to the woman with the issue of blood who had reached out to touch his robe and now, as they approach Jairus house, people come from the house to inform them that the daughter has died.  That is the point at which Jesus makes this statement to Jairus.

What does Jairus fear at that moment?  That he is too late? That he has failed his family?  The experience of losing this daughter who he loves so much? The challenge of going through such a horrificly sorrowful experience?    Fear of one's own failure to be able to do the good that one knows is so needed and fear of calamity befalling one's loved ones are very understandable and common fears.  Is there something about these two types of fear that makes them particularly conquerable by the application of faith?  

When I fear due to my own inadequacies can I not reduce that fear by placing my trust in the Lord to be able to make up for them if not immediately, then in the long run?  I can trust his grace which reduces my fear of the outcome of my failing to do all that needs doing.

When I fear calamity befalling those I love I can trust his ability to sustain them and me as we struggle through the aftermath.  It does not make the sorrow less intense, but it does make it more bearable and less nightmarish.

I will still fear.  Timidity, caution, and a sober sense of my own ineptitudes  are part of my personality that are not going to be changed any time soon.  But I think that what Jesus is saying is that, at least at times when we experience these two kinds of fear, faith in him and his ability to heal do much to sustain us and enable us to go forward with hope.

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 5

So, if

receiving loving, accepting, peaceful, inviting trustworthy interaction, motivated by real love is what reassures us and enables us to respond to others with real love

and

we wish to become people who can give that gift to others

and

other “sort of like love” expressions, though helpful, do not endure,

and

Jesus is the master of that kind of real love such that when we encounter it from him it not only empowers us to love but also moves us and leaves us profoundly affected for a long time,

can you see what he might be talking about when he told his disciples

“I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit...As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.”?

So the best question to ask myself, as I seek to create loving, empowering, enduring, joyful relationships is, how do you become a person who abides in him: who continues in his love? For that is what will ultimately empower me to love the way I desire to love.

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 4

Baer, in his book, declares that when we do not feel fully loved, we seek other things from our beloved that are sort of like love.  For example, we might feel a real need for praise (compliments, recognition, appreciation) from our beloved or we might try to create a sense of control in the relationship (power) or we might hunger for touch or physical pleasure to reassure us of our being loved.   Or we might seek a sense of safety and protection or reassurance in our relationship.  All of these are not love itself.  We seek them as an indication that we are loved.  We see them as the outward manifestations of something much deeper.

But outward manifestations are not the real thing.  And experiencing the trappings of love is not the same as  experiencing love itself.  

Not only that, but often we misread our longing for love as a longing for one of those "sort of like love" things and we talk about needing certain types of love languages, or gifts or behaviors from our beloved in order to be reassured that we actually are loved.   Our relationship can easily become one where we are simply focusing on trying to learn how to fulfill our partner's "sort of like love" needs, and getting frustrated or discouraged when ours are threatened or insufficiently supplied.  Certainly, trying to supply another's "sort of like love" needs is a considerate, unselfish thing to do.  It can be very helpful and kind and I don't advocate discontinuing the practice.  But in seeking to love and feel loved, we need to distinguish between real love and "sort of like love" practices.  The latter will wax and wane due to our imperfections and the very human nature of our beloved, fluctuating with our abilities, capacities, stress levels, congniscence, presence or absence over the months and years.   And if we depend or focus only on them  we set ourselves up for disappointment or resignation during those waning times.  And sometimes our anxiety about waning even prevents us from appreciating the waxing times.

"Sort of like love" sorts of things (praise, a sense of power or control, pleasure or reassurance, etc.) though pleasant, are not the essence of warm, welcoming, unconditional love .  They are temporary.  Whether we are giving them or seeking them, they are not the real thing and should not be confused with it.  For me this sheds a little more light on the verse found in 2nd Corinthians:

Charity never faileth but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

 

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 3, The effect of REAL real love

John Murdock attended the School of the Prophets in Kirtland Ohio in the winter of 1833.  He wrote about his experiences there which you can find in "An Abridged Record of the Life of John Murdock", located in the Church Archives.

One passage from that record struck me a few years ago.  He wrote of a vision of the Lord Jesus Christ he experienced there.  I won't post the whole thing here, though I can send it to you if you wish.  What struck me most was the sentence at the end of the paragraph in which he describes the experience.

"[It] left in my mind the impression of love, for months that I never felt before to that degree."

Jesus is the master of giving that kind of love; the kind that frees the receiver from tendencies to feel hurt and alone or to respond with anger, deceit or withdrawal and instead encourages warm, loving response.  He is the model.

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 2

Baer goes on to write:

"When we react [to others] with anger or withdrawal, or by acting hurt...we feel more alone and miserable. So why do we keep doing those unproductive things?

"The answer is simple. When you do feel unconditionally loved you lose your tendency to feel hurt and alone, and to react with anger, deceit, or withdrawal. You have those negative feelings and respond in those negative ways, therefore, because you don't feel loved. Human behavior is usually that simple."

For Baer, it seems, the best source of help for someone's abiltity to respond warmly rather than coldly, or fearfully or angrily is a sense of being fully and unconditionally loved.

Now certainly any good cognitive therapist will tell you that there are some people to whom you can give unconditional love but who will refuse to allow themselves to believe that you do fully love them and enjoy your interaction with them. Negative, false thinking habits are not uncommon among most of us. So you may find yourself trying to show forth real love to someone who prevents herself from being empowered and blessed by it.

And of course there will always be some people who have embraced wickedness to such an extent that to even approach them would be foolhardy unless you weigh 250 pounds, can bench press 500 and are a crack shot.

But there are many who will find it a real blessing and help in their efforts to respond well to life and its challenges and to others if you can become a person who can really, consistantly give them warm, welcoming, unconditional love in your daily interaction with them.

I think it must be, at least at first, a conscious decision in most relationships; a decision to actively take pleasure in another's company, put one's ego or one's sense of how things "should be done" out of the picture, to let go of a need to manage things, to be at peace in spite of your differences of opinion, and simply enjoy a beloved one. At least for me it would be. My "natural man" is way too front and center to be moved unconsciously.

A man and a woman walk into the room and address you by name.

I've been reading a book by Greg Baer. I wish to remember some of the things I learn as I go. Writing them will help.

"Imagine that you are having a difficult day. Several people have confronted you about mistakes you've made or assignments you've not completed and you are feeling inadequate and irritated. The computer isn't working--again--and your car is in the shop for the third time in the past two months....

"In the midst of your frustration, a man and a woman walk into the room and address you by name. Even though you've never seen them before, you feel as though they've known you all your life. Somehow you sense from their peaceful and inviting expression that you can trust them completely. They ask you to go with them, and without hesitation you get up and follow them.

"Side by side, you walk beetween this couple for some time, finally turning into the driveway of a beautiful home. Walking through the front entryway, you enter a spacious, well-lighted room, where many people are talking to one another. After seeing you, several of them come over to greet you. Although you've never met them before, you feel no anxiety, because you see in their faces and gestures nothing but sincere and unreserved welcome.

"In a way that you can't describe, you sense that everyone in this room feels loved and happy, and you know that no matter what mistakes you've ever made or what flaws you have, these people accept you completely. As you sit and talk with them, you realize you don't need to do anything to impress them, nor do you have a need to hide anything from them.

"Utterly relaxed, you begin to tell them the story of your life. You talk about your mistakes, your foolishness, your weaknesses, your fears, and your successes. They understand everything you're saying, and they accept you and care about you. You know there is nothing you could do that would disappoint or irritate them, nor would it be possible to feel embarassed or ashamed around them. For hours you talk and laugh with these new friends.

"Allow yourself to enjoy this feeling. Let it sink in and fill your entire being. Allow yourself to float in the calm, sweet ocean of the peace you feel. You'd like to stay in this place forever, but the day draws to a close and eventually you must go home. As you leave your friends invite you to return anytime you wish, and you know they mean what they say.

"Now come back to the real world and consider this question: While you were with these people, did you feel any inclination at all to be angry at them--or lie to them or withdraw from them? The idea is ridiculous--how could you feel angry or otherwise react negatively toward people who [you realize] unconditionally accept and love you? Moreover, while you were with those people, did you feel any inclination to be angry with anyone else--at any of the people you know in [your everyday] life? Were you irritated about the dysfunctional computer or the car in the shop? While you were with those loving people you didn't have any of those negative feelings because when we feel unconditionally loved, we have the one thing that matters most in all the world, and then we lose our need to be angry , to feel hurt, to lie to people, and to withdraw from relationships."

So the first thing I learn, as I read this book is the importance and goodness of sweet, loving, accepting, peaceful, inviting, trustworthy, welcoming interaction. There is great goodness in this gift one can give to the members of one's family when, no matter another's mistakes or flaws, you accept them, love them and are honestly interested in them.

I've known a few people who radiate this kind of unconditional love and have enjoyed that blessing from them. But I don't always give it. It's too easy to instead fall into the trap of being disappointed or anxious or feeling insecure or worried in my interactions with others. And when I do, I miss out on the opportunity to give them the one gift that most helps them to respond to life well; unconditional love.

More thoughts later.

On a lighter note

Elizabeth sent me this.
Ours must be a free range one. It's not where it used to be.

Comforting, truth, sorrow, compassion

It is interesting to note that "the Comforter", in all its references, speaks gospel truth. Try doing a scripture search for it. For example, the most well known one:
"And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

• • •

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you"

What is this connection between truth and comforting?

Some truth brings sorrow. When you state a truth that brings sorrow to you or others is that truth simply incomplete truth; truth that sees only part of the whole, missing a part that is unknowable or imperceptible or neglected now, but may be clear at another time?

What is the relationship between truth, sorrow and comforting? Can I assume that each sorrow that devastates is an incomplete truth, needing full attention, but not complete in itself?

And if that is the case, then there looms the obvious, egregious error of discounting another's sorrow or glibly reciting general platitudinous truths in response to it, something we often do in our attempts to avoid feeling its pain.

Compassion, truth, comforting, sorrow. All together. It requires more than most of us feel inclined to fully bear all at the same time. But perhaps they are inextricably entwined when fully experienced.

"He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

How?
By others? "willing to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort"
By turning to the Lord? "For thus saith the Lord; Sing with gladness for Jacob, and shout among the chief of the nations: publish ye, praise ye, and say, O Lord, save thy people, the remnant of Israel.

Behold, I will bring them from the north country, and gather them from thecoasts of the earth, and with them the blind and the lame, the woman with child and her that travaileth with child together: a great company shall return thither.

They shall come with weeping, and with supplications will I lead them: I will cause them to walk by the rivers of waters in a straight way, wherein they shall not stumble: for I am a father to Israel, andEphraim is my firstborn.

Hear the word of the Lord, O ye nations, and declare it in the isles afar off, and say, He that scattered Israel will gather him, and keep him, as a shepherd doth his flock.

For the Lord hath redeemed Jacob, and ransomed him from the hand of him that was stronger than he.

Therefore they shall come and sing in the height of Zion, and shall flow together to the goodness of the Lord, for wheat, and for wine, and for oil, and for the young of the flock and of the herd: and their soul shall be as a watered garden; and they shall not sorrow any more at all.

Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.

And I will satiate the soul of the priests with fatness, and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness, saith the Lord.
By the Holy Ghost? "the comforter"

It seems to be more likely if you are living a repentant life (Mormon 2: 12-14).

Lessons for me? Be willing to mourn and comfort others. Learn what is helpful and what is not helpful. Keep repenting; trying to make the precepts God teaches a natural part of you, turning to Him. Be responsive to the influence of the Holy Ghost as a source of comfort. Recognize it. Take it to heart.

Much to be learned.

And off they go.....

'Twas a blessed day....

Blessed are the poor in spirit

I've been thinking about the phrase "poor in spirit" this week, trying to figure out more clearly what exactly that means. The footnotes in my Bible say "pride, humility" so I've been working on clarifying the former and then taking its opposite to try to define poor in spirit a little better.

Here's what I found:

Deut. 8: 8-11 Pride is thinking you got where you are due to your own power and skills. This is one result of neglecting to keep and remember God's commandments. So the opposite (poor in spirit) could be said to be realizing and acknowledging that you got where you are by the grace of God and remembering and keeping his commandments with gratitude for that grace.

Philippians 4:11-13 Pride is discontentment with the current state; ie. focused on what you don't have or where you are not. Poor in spirit would then be being able to be content in whatever state you find yourself, focused more on responding well to the current situation instead of on what you do or do not have.

Psalm 62:10 Pride is, when riches increase, you set your heart on them. Being poor in spirit would be not setting your heart on riches when they come.

Psalm 10:2-4 Pride means you tend to persecute the poor and lay traps for others, boasting about what you love or want and admiring others who have those things. Pride will not seek after God, assuming that you can handle whatever comes on your own. Poor in spirit, on the other hand, means that you have compassion on the poor and do not take advantage of others. You are not a "respecter of persons". You realize that your ability to weather adversity is not just your doing but that you depend on the Lord to be able to do so.

Isaiah 65: 1-5 Pride means you are full of your own thoughts, upscaling worship and not keeping the commandments that are out of fashion. You are elitist and unwilling to mingle with people you see as "less holy". Poor in spirit means that you are interested in God's will and doing things they way he has outlined. You are not stand-offish.

I ran across a piece written by Curtis DeGraw who wrote about being raised in an economically poor family but not recognizing that he was poor until he hit high school and became aware of all the things other kids had that he didn't have and could not purchase. He wrote:

Spiritual poverty is the lack of ability to acquire spiritual things. It implies an awareness of things desired that are beyond one's ability to have or do - since recognition of poverty is a real part of the effects of poverty. It also means that if there are spiritual things that truly are necessary but out of one's spiritual price range, one must rely on another person to provide them.

I am intrigued by the notion that, until you recognize you are lacking spiritual growth and need a Savior to provide that, you will remain spiritually poor. You may be humble and good, but not "spiritually rich". That makes the addition of the phrase "who come unto me" found in the 3rd Nephi version of the beatitudes suddenly make more logical sense. Being poor in spirit, using DeGraw's analogy, may simply be the opposite of being proud (and that is a good thing) but when it is coupled with a realization that the only way to make your humility holy or spiritually rich is through the redemption of Christ and his grace and you act accordingly, then it leads to the blessing of being a part of the kingdom of heaven. That's why "coming unto him" brings that attendant blessedness.

Still mulling, but that's what I've been thinking about this week.