To Cheer and to Bless

Simeon and Anna by Rembrandt van Rijn

A couple of weeks ago L. got a call from a friend, T. asking if he would be available that morning to go to the hospital with him to give a child a blessing. Dear friends of their family, members of another faith, had a child with a terminal illness who was there and they had been touched and open to T. and his wife’s offer of a priesthood blessing. L. said sure and about half an hour later T. and his wife, J. came by to pick him up for that. He came home an hour or so later, moved by the experience and grateful to have been asked to assist.

Later that week I was listening to another conversation about women and the priesthood. There were the usual ideas as to why just men hold it now on the part of some, the usual confusion combined with some angst and frustration on the part of others, and the usual questions without definite answers. I mostly listened. I feel like we don’t know why men have the priesthood and women don’t right now. I understand why people try to make educated guesses or theories as to why it is the way it is. It’s human nature to seek for reasons. And as usual with human nature, it’s flawed. I am also certain that the genderized status of priesthood holding that exists now is not an eternal state. And I understand my sisters’ confusion and irritation, but feel none personally, so I mostly just listen.

Subsequently I attended a meeting in which a general authority said he thought that women didn’t hold the priesthood because they don’t need it. That is one of the more commonly expressed theories, and though I was pretty sure it is not the real reason (no Spirit testifying), I could understand why he would think that way. Such things do not bother me. I lived as a teenager in the 1960s and 70s and heard all kinds of theories over various pulpits about why people of African descent did not hold priesthood in our church and later heard Bruce McConkie (one of the more adamant theorizers) thoroughly retract his erroneous theorizing and recognize it as such in 1978. I figure that history repeats itself and will continue to do so.

I began thinking about stories I had read in an article that covered the history of women giving blessing in earlier church history. I wondered what it would be like if women in our church held the priesthood now. It occurred to me that if the sisters in my Relief Society were given priesthood and the responsibility to bless, things might be a bit different. In such a situation, if a sister in my ward called upon me for a blessing one morning, who would I call to come give that with me? Probably not my husband. His work commitments make it difficult for him to leave in the middle of the day. Certainly not any of the other men in our ward. That would feel awkward and slightly inappropriate in current culture. I’d call on another sister. I think most women would.

What if women were giving blessings? What percentage of the women in my ward would start calling on sisters for blessings, making them the first ones turned to? Probably a significant percentage, if not an outright large majority. Women are often more comfortable with women. Men on the other hand, are usually more comfortable with men. We would likely see fewer interactions between the sexes when it came to blessings.

I shared my musings with L. He thought about the blessing he had been able to participate in at the hospital a few weeks before. If there had been two women with priesthood there, he says, he is absolutely sure that the two men would have bowed out and politely suggested to the women that they perform the blessing. No question. I wonder if that would not be happening all over on a large scale; thoughtful men, selflessly or with a sense of relief, passing along the opportunity to bless.

But then (and this is what struck me) he said that he had been thinking about watching T. and his wife, J. at the hospital. J. had been the one to touch the father, embrace the mother and articulate lovingly the words of comfort and friendship and peace to them. He and T., he said, stood solemnly and carefully and gently performed the ordinance, but neither of them had the skills J. used to comfort and bless. He said it was enlightening to watch T. and J. use their gifts in tandem to bless that family and how it united the two of them. The power of both together was far more than the sum of the two independently.

I think we don’t often see those gifts in tandem in the same room at the same time. Sisters and brothers tend to do their godly work separately. Because we are humans in a telestial world, we tend, even the most enlightened of us, to place more value on the work that the men are doing, even though we give lip service to both, which is part (by no means all, I admit) of the reason that this division of labor feels so unfair to some. In the good scenarios of church work we see men and women in the church counsel together and keep each other appraised of their work. In the best scenarios they work totally in synch, as one. Way too often most of the work of one group is done independent of the other, with occasional calendaring involved.

I do not offer these observations as “the reason why” women do not currently hold the priesthood. I don’t know why and will not pretend to. Nor do I think this is "the reason". But these experiences have reminded me of God’s commandments that we work together as one, not just with those who have the same gifts we do, but also with those whose gifts are different. (1st Corinthians 12) And I have a bit of a better view of why that working together in unity is important to Him.

What I learned this year

http://forsakingthekingdom.blogspot.com

General and Personal Revelation

I thought this was a thoughtful articulation of the role of both in our lives.

Things of My Soul: General vs. Personal Revelation: An Insightful Distinction

Being personally responsible for my own responses

Let’s say that you invite me to go on a long run with you and I do so, even though I don’t run regularly, have sky high blood pressure, regularly eat fatty food, am 100 pounds overweight and am a closet smoker. After awhile I’m exhausted but my pride keeps me going and you encourage me and at about mile three I keel over with a heart attack. As I talk to my husband the next day from my hospital bed, I blame it all on you for inviting me to run with you.

Did you cause my heart attack? Ridiculous. It was my years of smoking, lack of exercise, pride, diet and obesity as well as my choice to engage in the running with you that caused the attack. I was a heart attack waiting to happen. You just gave me an opportunity to have it.

In a similar way, the regular, ordinary people with whom I interact each day may affect the way I feel at any given moment, but their contribution to that is minor. The bulk of the way I feel when I am feeling angry or hurt or frustrated or annoyed or inadequate in a relationship is due to my lifetime of events and feelings and/or my current physical/emotional state, not the person with whom I am interacting. As a matter of fact, if I’m bad enough off, the person may do absolutely nothing and I’ll still respond badly. (Really embarrassing.)

Similarly feeling love and peace, and expressing those things, are also hugely dependent not upon the regular, ordinary people with whom I am interacting (be they acting “loveable” or not), but rather upon my choices (some past, all present) and my ability to tap into and channel God’s love.

Jacob’s words come to mind: “Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.”

It is true that it is God’s grace that makes up for our imperfections and sins and lack of ability throughout our lives. And it is also, I am convinced, what makes it possible for us to fully love as he does, which is essential to salvation. Reconciliation with Him, that sense of understanding and connection with Him, enables that grace of loving, I think.

Not that I've got that down, by any means. But it seems to be worth trying to embrace.

Some things are still true.

Maria Edgeworth 1767-1849

"You surprise me doctor", said lady Delacour; "for I assure you that you have the character of being very liberal in your opinions."

"I hope I am liberal in my opinions," replied the doctor, "and that I hope to give your ladyship proof of it."

"You would not then persecute a man or woman with ridicule for believing more than you do?" said lady Delacour.

"Those who persecute, to overturn religion, can scarcely pretend to more philosophy, or more liberality, than those who persecute to support it," said Dr. X--

From "Belinda", published in 1801

Submit yourselves therefore unto God. (James 4:7)

The word “submit” as it is translated in the KJV New Testament has an interesting meaning, different from the one we give that word in modern usage. Verses there tell us to “submit” to God and to each other (See also Romans 10:3 and Ephesians 5:21, etc.). The word is most commonly a translation of one form or another of the Greek word “hupotassomai”, which is “to have a voluntary attitude of being responsive to the needs of others”. In other words, it is coming to a state of being where you choose to listen and respond to the thoughts and understanding of another as much as you do your own. It’s an action born of unselfish respect and love for other. Jesus’ loving “submission” to the will of the Father throughout his life was the ultimate example of this.
It may be an easier thing to do when life is going well, but one of the biggest challenges we face when we are hurt and hurting is that of being so overwhelmed by what we are feeling that we are unable to stop our minds from going over and over and over it again and again. That’s normal. And also, that constant self-conversation makes hearing and paying kind heed to anyone else’s thoughts, including God’s, very difficult. And I’m sure he understands that and takes that into consideration.
Personally, in difficult times, it is only after I have been able to get far enough along in a sorrow that I can get my mind to start to shut up a little about the injustices or pain I feel, that I am able to begin to emerge and really hear and engage in hupotassomai to my fellow human beings or to God without filtering everything they say or need through my own personal pain. It takes some time to get there. It is a process of emerging and seeing self and others more clearly and lovingly apart from my pain. (Whereas the modern meaning would imply that I was to acquiesce to the will of others without argument while still fully consumed by my sorrow or pain. Very different.)
Anyway, understanding the difference between the modern and Greek meanings of the word makes a difference for me.

Jared's barges

An interesting way to envision them:

And the disciples rebuked them...

But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

Usually when we talk about that scripture we talk about how we must become childlike in order to enter the kingdom of God. But I think there’s another piece here. The disciples were feeling annoyed at the interruption of unpredictable and intrinsically distracting and wiggly children. Little children are not the most sober, quiet, cooperative or reasonable people to have around. (I understand that. We have about 40 of them, under the age of 4, in our sacrament meeting each Sunday and it’s hard to focus or hear sometimes, no, often.) But Jesus is saying that they, like every other distracting or difficult person who seeks God, are part of the kingdom of God. To be worthy of membership in the kingdom of God we must learn to live peaceably and charitably, and at peace with the people in the group that we are more likely to find annoying. He is telling his disciples that he is requiring that they (and we) see and love and be patient with people in our congregations who are difficult for us to spend time with due to their youth, their senility, their illness, their disabilities, their troubles or their oddities. That’s not always easy. Fortunately, as you know, Moroni pointed out that charity is a gift we can pray to receive. We can actually ask to be given the gift to respond wisely with charity towards and actually love those we find are difficult to be patient with. The gift may come slowly as we go through a learning process and may take time but it does come. It’s quite remarkable.

I certainly took our children out to listen elsewhere when they were small and squawky and remember years of not hearing much due to their wiggles and whispered interactions in the chapel. But it was worth the time spent, and it behooves me to to peacefully allow other young families the blessings we received because of those years of attendance.

So that’s what’s been on my mind today.

Thankful for the blessing of a very good father.

What a wonder he has been in my life. Thank you, Dad.

So many books. So little time to read.

Today I perched myself on a chair in the livingroom to eat my sandwich and suddenly realized that I was doing so simply because the kitchen and diningroom tables were too covered with books and papers to make a comfortable space for lunch.

I'd like to believe that it is just a manifestation of my literary and academic bent. But I think it is more likely a commentary on my housekeeping skills.

Time for some spring tidying up.

While preparing a Primary Easter Sunday lesson

The request of the mother of Zebedee's sons, Jerome Nadal, S.J., 1507-1580
And Jesus going up to Jerusalem took the twelve disciples apart in the way, and said unto them, "Behold, we go up to Jerusalem; and the Son of man will be betrayed unto the chief priests and unto the scribes, and they shall condemn him to death, and shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock, and to scourge, and to crucify him; and the third day he shall rise again."
Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. And he said unto her, "What wilt thou?" She sayeth unto him, "Grant that these two sons may sit, the one on they right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom."

It struck me as I read this; here Jesus has outlined the horrendous things he will go through for us and the incomprehensibly wonderful gift of resurrection that he will provide for us and the first thing after that is a request by an anxious mother about his future approbation and recognition of her sons. Is it because I saw myself in her that this verse stopped me in my tracks?

How often do I blithely skim over the overwhelming gifts of resurrection, justification, sanctification, and forgiveness that Jesus offers me, or how hugely different eternity for me is because of that, and instead just focus on whether I or my loved ones are being good or being recognized as good by him. How short-sighted I can be.

It's not about me. It's about HIM. When I stop to think about what he did and how that changes all that's possible or what my future would be without what he did, I am appalled at my self-focus and the insufficiency of my gratitude and awe.

Trainers, back in February

I like looking at the expressions on their faces as they contemplate what's next.

Agency, Truth and Love at Christmas

I remember when I was 4  years old asking my father if Santa was real.  “Santa is people who love you,” he said with a smile.  

 “Noooooo!  He’s the guy who brings you presents on Christmas!” my little brother and I exclaimed, and ran to mom for reinforcements.

 Mom asked what dad had said and, when we explained, she said she thought he was right.  Appalled, we raced back to our dad and tried for the next 10 minutes to bully him into admitting we were right.  He simply smiled and pleasantly stuck to his story as he would for the next 35 years as he raised children.  We gave up on him.  And a few days later, under the tree, sure enough, there were presents from Santa.

 Every Christmas to this day we have received presents from Santa.  What I realized later is that my dad had given us the gift of choosing when we would transition from delightful engagement in the Santa story to the even sweeter story of being given gifts by those who love us.  My siblings and I could indulge in Santa imaginings for as long as we liked (which we continued to do for years)  and could choose to transition out of that at our own pace in our own time.

 My father was always big on allowing his children to choose and also big on letting them know they were loved.  I didn’t realize until years later how deftly he had incorporated both of these things into his Santa story.  And it took me awhile to see how he had helped our eventual transition not be one of belief to unbelief, but rather to one of belief in something good to belief in something familiar and even better.

Be not afraid, only believe.

In the last General Conference, Neal Anderson said, "Fear and faith cannot exist in our hearts at the same time," and quoted Jesus' words to Jairus in Mark 5:36, "Be not afraid, only believe."

Since fear is a part of my human experience this statement is a bit disconcerting.  I consider myself a person of faith, but fear is something I experience.  What does that say about my faith?

Looking at the story of Jairus what was he afraid of?  At what point does Jesus say 'be not afraid, only believe?"

Jairus had gone to find Jesus to plead with him to come and heal his dying daughter.  They are delayed by Jesus' stop to minister to the woman with the issue of blood who had reached out to touch his robe and now, as they approach Jairus house, people come from the house to inform them that the daughter has died.  That is the point at which Jesus makes this statement to Jairus.

What does Jairus fear at that moment?  That he is too late? That he has failed his family?  The experience of losing this daughter who he loves so much? The challenge of going through such a horrificly sorrowful experience?    Fear of one's own failure to be able to do the good that one knows is so needed and fear of calamity befalling one's loved ones are very understandable and common fears.  Is there something about these two types of fear that makes them particularly conquerable by the application of faith?  

When I fear due to my own inadequacies can I not reduce that fear by placing my trust in the Lord to be able to make up for them if not immediately, then in the long run?  I can trust his grace which reduces my fear of the outcome of my failing to do all that needs doing.

When I fear calamity befalling those I love I can trust his ability to sustain them and me as we struggle through the aftermath.  It does not make the sorrow less intense, but it does make it more bearable and less nightmarish.

I will still fear.  Timidity, caution, and a sober sense of my own ineptitudes  are part of my personality that are not going to be changed any time soon.  But I think that what Jesus is saying is that, at least at times when we experience these two kinds of fear, faith in him and his ability to heal do much to sustain us and enable us to go forward with hope.

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 5

So, if

receiving loving, accepting, peaceful, inviting trustworthy interaction, motivated by real love is what reassures us and enables us to respond to others with real love

and

we wish to become people who can give that gift to others

and

other “sort of like love” expressions, though helpful, do not endure,

and

Jesus is the master of that kind of real love such that when we encounter it from him it not only empowers us to love but also moves us and leaves us profoundly affected for a long time,

can you see what he might be talking about when he told his disciples

“I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit...As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.”?

So the best question to ask myself, as I seek to create loving, empowering, enduring, joyful relationships is, how do you become a person who abides in him: who continues in his love? For that is what will ultimately empower me to love the way I desire to love.

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 4

Baer, in his book, declares that when we do not feel fully loved, we seek other things from our beloved that are sort of like love.  For example, we might feel a real need for praise (compliments, recognition, appreciation) from our beloved or we might try to create a sense of control in the relationship (power) or we might hunger for touch or physical pleasure to reassure us of our being loved.   Or we might seek a sense of safety and protection or reassurance in our relationship.  All of these are not love itself.  We seek them as an indication that we are loved.  We see them as the outward manifestations of something much deeper.

But outward manifestations are not the real thing.  And experiencing the trappings of love is not the same as  experiencing love itself.  

Not only that, but often we misread our longing for love as a longing for one of those "sort of like love" things and we talk about needing certain types of love languages, or gifts or behaviors from our beloved in order to be reassured that we actually are loved.   Our relationship can easily become one where we are simply focusing on trying to learn how to fulfill our partner's "sort of like love" needs, and getting frustrated or discouraged when ours are threatened or insufficiently supplied.  Certainly, trying to supply another's "sort of like love" needs is a considerate, unselfish thing to do.  It can be very helpful and kind and I don't advocate discontinuing the practice.  But in seeking to love and feel loved, we need to distinguish between real love and "sort of like love" practices.  The latter will wax and wane due to our imperfections and the very human nature of our beloved, fluctuating with our abilities, capacities, stress levels, congniscence, presence or absence over the months and years.   And if we depend or focus only on them  we set ourselves up for disappointment or resignation during those waning times.  And sometimes our anxiety about waning even prevents us from appreciating the waxing times.

"Sort of like love" sorts of things (praise, a sense of power or control, pleasure or reassurance, etc.) though pleasant, are not the essence of warm, welcoming, unconditional love .  They are temporary.  Whether we are giving them or seeking them, they are not the real thing and should not be confused with it.  For me this sheds a little more light on the verse found in 2nd Corinthians:

Charity never faileth but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

 

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 3, The effect of REAL real love

John Murdock attended the School of the Prophets in Kirtland Ohio in the winter of 1833.  He wrote about his experiences there which you can find in "An Abridged Record of the Life of John Murdock", located in the Church Archives.

One passage from that record struck me a few years ago.  He wrote of a vision of the Lord Jesus Christ he experienced there.  I won't post the whole thing here, though I can send it to you if you wish.  What struck me most was the sentence at the end of the paragraph in which he describes the experience.

"[It] left in my mind the impression of love, for months that I never felt before to that degree."

Jesus is the master of giving that kind of love; the kind that frees the receiver from tendencies to feel hurt and alone or to respond with anger, deceit or withdrawal and instead encourages warm, loving response.  He is the model.

a.m.a.a.w.w.i.t.r.a.a.y.b.n. part 2

Baer goes on to write:

"When we react [to others] with anger or withdrawal, or by acting hurt...we feel more alone and miserable. So why do we keep doing those unproductive things?

"The answer is simple. When you do feel unconditionally loved you lose your tendency to feel hurt and alone, and to react with anger, deceit, or withdrawal. You have those negative feelings and respond in those negative ways, therefore, because you don't feel loved. Human behavior is usually that simple."

For Baer, it seems, the best source of help for someone's abiltity to respond warmly rather than coldly, or fearfully or angrily is a sense of being fully and unconditionally loved.

Now certainly any good cognitive therapist will tell you that there are some people to whom you can give unconditional love but who will refuse to allow themselves to believe that you do fully love them and enjoy your interaction with them. Negative, false thinking habits are not uncommon among most of us. So you may find yourself trying to show forth real love to someone who prevents herself from being empowered and blessed by it.

And of course there will always be some people who have embraced wickedness to such an extent that to even approach them would be foolhardy unless you weigh 250 pounds, can bench press 500 and are a crack shot.

But there are many who will find it a real blessing and help in their efforts to respond well to life and its challenges and to others if you can become a person who can really, consistantly give them warm, welcoming, unconditional love in your daily interaction with them.

I think it must be, at least at first, a conscious decision in most relationships; a decision to actively take pleasure in another's company, put one's ego or one's sense of how things "should be done" out of the picture, to let go of a need to manage things, to be at peace in spite of your differences of opinion, and simply enjoy a beloved one. At least for me it would be. My "natural man" is way too front and center to be moved unconsciously.

A man and a woman walk into the room and address you by name.

I've been reading a book by Greg Baer. I wish to remember some of the things I learn as I go. Writing them will help.

"Imagine that you are having a difficult day. Several people have confronted you about mistakes you've made or assignments you've not completed and you are feeling inadequate and irritated. The computer isn't working--again--and your car is in the shop for the third time in the past two months....

"In the midst of your frustration, a man and a woman walk into the room and address you by name. Even though you've never seen them before, you feel as though they've known you all your life. Somehow you sense from their peaceful and inviting expression that you can trust them completely. They ask you to go with them, and without hesitation you get up and follow them.

"Side by side, you walk beetween this couple for some time, finally turning into the driveway of a beautiful home. Walking through the front entryway, you enter a spacious, well-lighted room, where many people are talking to one another. After seeing you, several of them come over to greet you. Although you've never met them before, you feel no anxiety, because you see in their faces and gestures nothing but sincere and unreserved welcome.

"In a way that you can't describe, you sense that everyone in this room feels loved and happy, and you know that no matter what mistakes you've ever made or what flaws you have, these people accept you completely. As you sit and talk with them, you realize you don't need to do anything to impress them, nor do you have a need to hide anything from them.

"Utterly relaxed, you begin to tell them the story of your life. You talk about your mistakes, your foolishness, your weaknesses, your fears, and your successes. They understand everything you're saying, and they accept you and care about you. You know there is nothing you could do that would disappoint or irritate them, nor would it be possible to feel embarassed or ashamed around them. For hours you talk and laugh with these new friends.

"Allow yourself to enjoy this feeling. Let it sink in and fill your entire being. Allow yourself to float in the calm, sweet ocean of the peace you feel. You'd like to stay in this place forever, but the day draws to a close and eventually you must go home. As you leave your friends invite you to return anytime you wish, and you know they mean what they say.

"Now come back to the real world and consider this question: While you were with these people, did you feel any inclination at all to be angry at them--or lie to them or withdraw from them? The idea is ridiculous--how could you feel angry or otherwise react negatively toward people who [you realize] unconditionally accept and love you? Moreover, while you were with those people, did you feel any inclination to be angry with anyone else--at any of the people you know in [your everyday] life? Were you irritated about the dysfunctional computer or the car in the shop? While you were with those loving people you didn't have any of those negative feelings because when we feel unconditionally loved, we have the one thing that matters most in all the world, and then we lose our need to be angry , to feel hurt, to lie to people, and to withdraw from relationships."

So the first thing I learn, as I read this book is the importance and goodness of sweet, loving, accepting, peaceful, inviting, trustworthy, welcoming interaction. There is great goodness in this gift one can give to the members of one's family when, no matter another's mistakes or flaws, you accept them, love them and are honestly interested in them.

I've known a few people who radiate this kind of unconditional love and have enjoyed that blessing from them. But I don't always give it. It's too easy to instead fall into the trap of being disappointed or anxious or feeling insecure or worried in my interactions with others. And when I do, I miss out on the opportunity to give them the one gift that most helps them to respond to life well; unconditional love.

More thoughts later.

On a lighter note

Elizabeth sent me this.
Ours must be a free range one. It's not where it used to be.

Comforting, truth, sorrow, compassion

It is interesting to note that "the Comforter", in all its references, speaks gospel truth. Try doing a scripture search for it. For example, the most well known one:
"And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

• • •

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you"

What is this connection between truth and comforting?

Some truth brings sorrow. When you state a truth that brings sorrow to you or others is that truth simply incomplete truth; truth that sees only part of the whole, missing a part that is unknowable or imperceptible or neglected now, but may be clear at another time?

What is the relationship between truth, sorrow and comforting? Can I assume that each sorrow that devastates is an incomplete truth, needing full attention, but not complete in itself?

And if that is the case, then there looms the obvious, egregious error of discounting another's sorrow or glibly reciting general platitudinous truths in response to it, something we often do in our attempts to avoid feeling its pain.

Compassion, truth, comforting, sorrow. All together. It requires more than most of us feel inclined to fully bear all at the same time. But perhaps they are inextricably entwined when fully experienced.

"He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

How?
By others? "willing to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort"
By turning to the Lord? "For thus saith the Lord; Sing with gladness for Jacob, and shout among the chief of the nations: publish ye, praise ye, and say, O Lord, save thy people, the remnant of Israel.

Behold, I will bring them from the north country, and gather them from thecoasts of the earth, and with them the blind and the lame, the woman with child and her that travaileth with child together: a great company shall return thither.

They shall come with weeping, and with supplications will I lead them: I will cause them to walk by the rivers of waters in a straight way, wherein they shall not stumble: for I am a father to Israel, andEphraim is my firstborn.

Hear the word of the Lord, O ye nations, and declare it in the isles afar off, and say, He that scattered Israel will gather him, and keep him, as a shepherd doth his flock.

For the Lord hath redeemed Jacob, and ransomed him from the hand of him that was stronger than he.

Therefore they shall come and sing in the height of Zion, and shall flow together to the goodness of the Lord, for wheat, and for wine, and for oil, and for the young of the flock and of the herd: and their soul shall be as a watered garden; and they shall not sorrow any more at all.

Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.

And I will satiate the soul of the priests with fatness, and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness, saith the Lord.
By the Holy Ghost? "the comforter"

It seems to be more likely if you are living a repentant life (Mormon 2: 12-14).

Lessons for me? Be willing to mourn and comfort others. Learn what is helpful and what is not helpful. Keep repenting; trying to make the precepts God teaches a natural part of you, turning to Him. Be responsive to the influence of the Holy Ghost as a source of comfort. Recognize it. Take it to heart.

Much to be learned.

And off they go.....

'Twas a blessed day....

Blessed are the poor in spirit

I've been thinking about the phrase "poor in spirit" this week, trying to figure out more clearly what exactly that means. The footnotes in my Bible say "pride, humility" so I've been working on clarifying the former and then taking its opposite to try to define poor in spirit a little better.

Here's what I found:

Deut. 8: 8-11 Pride is thinking you got where you are due to your own power and skills. This is one result of neglecting to keep and remember God's commandments. So the opposite (poor in spirit) could be said to be realizing and acknowledging that you got where you are by the grace of God and remembering and keeping his commandments with gratitude for that grace.

Philippians 4:11-13 Pride is discontentment with the current state; ie. focused on what you don't have or where you are not. Poor in spirit would then be being able to be content in whatever state you find yourself, focused more on responding well to the current situation instead of on what you do or do not have.

Psalm 62:10 Pride is, when riches increase, you set your heart on them. Being poor in spirit would be not setting your heart on riches when they come.

Psalm 10:2-4 Pride means you tend to persecute the poor and lay traps for others, boasting about what you love or want and admiring others who have those things. Pride will not seek after God, assuming that you can handle whatever comes on your own. Poor in spirit, on the other hand, means that you have compassion on the poor and do not take advantage of others. You are not a "respecter of persons". You realize that your ability to weather adversity is not just your doing but that you depend on the Lord to be able to do so.

Isaiah 65: 1-5 Pride means you are full of your own thoughts, upscaling worship and not keeping the commandments that are out of fashion. You are elitist and unwilling to mingle with people you see as "less holy". Poor in spirit means that you are interested in God's will and doing things they way he has outlined. You are not stand-offish.

I ran across a piece written by Curtis DeGraw who wrote about being raised in an economically poor family but not recognizing that he was poor until he hit high school and became aware of all the things other kids had that he didn't have and could not purchase. He wrote:

Spiritual poverty is the lack of ability to acquire spiritual things. It implies an awareness of things desired that are beyond one's ability to have or do - since recognition of poverty is a real part of the effects of poverty. It also means that if there are spiritual things that truly are necessary but out of one's spiritual price range, one must rely on another person to provide them.

I am intrigued by the notion that, until you recognize you are lacking spiritual growth and need a Savior to provide that, you will remain spiritually poor. You may be humble and good, but not "spiritually rich". That makes the addition of the phrase "who come unto me" found in the 3rd Nephi version of the beatitudes suddenly make more logical sense. Being poor in spirit, using DeGraw's analogy, may simply be the opposite of being proud (and that is a good thing) but when it is coupled with a realization that the only way to make your humility holy or spiritually rich is through the redemption of Christ and his grace and you act accordingly, then it leads to the blessing of being a part of the kingdom of heaven. That's why "coming unto him" brings that attendant blessedness.

Still mulling, but that's what I've been thinking about this week.

Transitions are a challenge no matter what your age.

I found this on the blog of a student here in Maine. I thought it would be good to keep track of while we muddle through our transition to a different state.
So if you hear of me planning a trip back to Maine again or start finding reflections on settling into a new place on this blog, chalk it up to my taking some of these suggestions to heart.

With the whirlwind of things to do, it often isn’t until long after the move that one starts feeling the emotional symptoms caused by moving. Uprooting your entire life, and starting from scratch is one of the most difficult struggles one will have to face in their life. Getting situated and used to a new house, job, and school, while at the same time coping with loneliness, and trying to meet new people, can be exhausting and extremely difficult. Staying positive and making a real effort to become a part of the community will make the transition much easier.

♥ Unpacking. When it comes to unpacking get it done, but don’t make yourself sick over it. Set yourself goals to get done on a daily and weekly basis. Until it is finished do a regular amount of unpacking every day. Allow yourself time each day to relax, and do some things that will take your mind off the move and eliminate stress.

♥ Make your new house your home. If your landlord permits paint the walls. Hang up photos and artwork. Begin personalizing your home as soon as you get there. At the end of the day, when you feel lost, sad, or lonely, returning to a home that reflects who you are, and is filled with the things you love is the least you can do for yourself to feel more comfortable.

♥ Pick up where you left off in your old home. Were you half way through a novel before you left? Do you do yoga every morning before breakfast? Do you have only one sleeve left to knit on the sweater you are making? Unpack these things first and work on them in between spurts of unpacking your home. Doing things that you would have done in your old home, will not only help you relax, but also aid in making your new house feel like home.

♥ Make friends. This is probably the hardest part of a move for anyone. As children we were able to make friends with everyone on the playground simply by joining them in a game of tag. As adults it is much more difficult. Our personalities and interests have developed and finding others who’s interests compliment ours is much more difficult. The only way to really start making friends is by getting involved in activities, and getting out there. Yes, it may be easier to sit around the house watching reruns of The Office, but by taking a risk and striking up conversations or complimenting people around you, you are one step closer to a potential new friend.

♥ Get Active. As soon as you get to your new destination start getting out in the community. Enroll in a dance class at the local community college, join a gym, or go to art openings. Not only will this take your mind off the stress of your move, but will most likely speed up the process of making friends. Look for a free local publication that lists events in the community. Look for fliers for shows when you stop in to get coffee in the morning. Look on Craigslist for weekend events, and search Yelp for good music venues. Find a place you like, and become a regular there. Over time friendships will naturally develop.

♥ Get to know your new town. Spend time every day becoming more well acquainted with your new surroundings, the local movie theatre, where the closest park is, what streets are dead ends, etc. Get in the car, and drive around various neighborhoods. Don’t be afraid to get lost. I find that I learn the most about a city when I do get lost. Use the luxuries of the internet to help you find establishments that interest you. Look up all the coffee shops or sushi restaurants in your area, then do a drive by with each one on your list.

♥ Stay in regular contact with friends and family back home. Write emails, talk on the phone, and send snail mail. Make it a point to talk to family and close friends at least once a week. If you get free weekend minutes on your phone plan this is a great time to take advantage of them, while at the same time catching up with loved ones. If sudden bursts of loneliness come on, don’t hesitate to call up someone you miss, and tell them how you are feeling.

♥ Start planning a visit home. By planning a date of when you will return back for a visit you will greatly eliminate the initial shock of leaving. Letting others know when you are going to see them next will give you and them something to look forward to.

♥ Start a blog devoted to your new life. Take pictures of your journey to your new home and write a short entry every day. Post photos from when you painted the walls, the mess of boxes in your living room, and how it gradually comes together. Write about how much you miss having lunch on Fridays with your cousin. Before you leave give out the address to all your friends and family so they can follow along and comment on everything you are doing.

More photos from M

From Lewis's talk today

Lewis spoke in church today and shared what he'd learned about taking the Lord's admonitions and examples of how we should work together in our councils (he outlined 7 of them) and using those principles in our personal counseling with the Lord. Here's part of what he shared.

Applying the Seven Habits of Effective Councils to our personal prayers

Is prayer a council? Definitely. “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good.” (Alma 37:37) The instruction to counsel should resonate with latter day saints that there is a council involved. How might the seven habits therefore impact personal prayer?

Counsel together often—what more frequently repeated admonition is there in the scriptures than “pray always?” When I find myself getting casual and more distant from the Lord, it is apparent who has moved, said Pres. Kimball. Frequency does not equal effectiveness, but it is a start. “When thou risest up, when thou liest down, goeth in, cometh out” all are times for prayer

Invite the spirit—without the spirit our prayers “bounce off the ceiling” are hollow, or tinny. Yet in other situations, “they did not multiply many words, for it was given them what they should say” Prayer is inherently spiritual communication, so without the spirit, there is only empty words, vain (ineffective) thoughts.
How do we do this in prayer? The things we do in other settings might help—sing, count blessings, reflect on your testimony, start with the scriptures, participate in ordinances (sacrament, temple, etc.)

Counsel about individuals, one by one—we are definitely more able to hear the nudges and promptings of the spirit when the topic is small, defined, limited to a single issue or individual. “Bless us with world peace” gets a different kind of response than “help me to have peace in my interactions with bobby” This is not just due to our inability to take celestial shorthand fast enough, but more likely related to how Heavenly Father looks at his children one by one.

Make assignments, track, etc. We are often eager to ask the Lord things, in essence giving him his assignments. But as we counsel with the Lord, the questions we ought to be asking are, “what can I do about….or would it help if I did….” And as we listen for the inclination or direction back, we are getting Our assignments.
Not many people write down what they pray about—and hopefully we will remember to report back, but actually the reality is that it sometimes takes longer than a day to fulfill one or more of these assignments and we may actually forget what we prayed over and why. The Lord doesn’t of course, but it is harder for him to show us his hand in our lives if we don’t take time to reflect on what our assignments were, what we asked the Lord to do, and then act to do our part. As we look back, we will thus be better able to see that he has also fulfilled his assignments. (Consider Pres. Eyering’s story about the import of recording the hand of God in his life—Ensign Nov 2007—“When our children were very small, I started to write down a few things about what happened every day. Let me tell you how that got started. I came home late from a Church assignment. It was after dark. My father-in-law, who lived near us, surprised me as I walked toward the front door of my house. He was carrying a load of pipes over his shoulder, walking very fast and dressed in his work clothes. I knew that he had been building a system to pump water from a stream below us up to our property.
He smiled, spoke softly, and then rushed past me into the darkness to go on with his work. I took a few steps toward the house, thinking of what he was doing for us, and just as I got to the door, I heard in my mind—not in my own voice—these words: “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down.”
I went inside. I didn’t go to bed. Although I was tired, I took out some paper and began to write. And as I did, I understood the message I had heard in my mind. I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family. Grandpa didn’t have to do what he was doing for us. He could have had someone else do it or not have done it at all. But he was serving us, his family, in the way covenant disciples of Jesus Christ always do. I knew that was true. And so I wrote it down, so that my children could have the memory someday when they would need it.
I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.
More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened. “

Return and report—Rarely are our answers or solutions we seek from the Lord had in a single action or assignment. If we don’t come back and report on our progress, we are not as likely to receive the next step of instructions toward the solution. (Imagine putting together a model, and the first instruction says, “open the glue” We do that and assume that’s it for instruction so we go on to put piece after piece together with the glue, only later to find out that we left out an important step involving part A, hole 4, and so forth.)

Rejoice in successes—the Lord saw each step of the creation, “it was good” indicating to me that he was pleased and rejoiced with each successfully completed step in the process. Our faith and testimony is increased, when we allow the Lord to pat us on the back for successfully having followed his stepwise instruction.” And I, God, saw everything that I had made, and, behold, all things which I had made were very ^agood” (Moses 2:31)

Take the time to be united, one—We don’t wrestle with God so much to persuade him to our way of thinking, to conform him to what we think is right, so much as to learn to adjust our will to his. As the Savior said, “not my will, but thine be done.” Yet at the same time, his greatest wish for us as his disciples, as expressed in the great intercessory prayer (John 17) was “that they[we] may be ^aone, even as we[he and his father] are ^bone.”

Göteborg zone conference

Working well with good people in a beautiful place

In Stockholm

Imaginative Play

There was a segment played on NPR this morning. It discussed findings that indicate that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function. Executive function has a number of different elements, but a central one is the ability to self-regulate. Kids with good self-regulation are able to control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline.

You can read it here.
Or listen to it here.

"According to Berk, one reason make-believe is such a powerful tool for building self-discipline is because during make-believe, children engage in what's called private speech: They talk to themselves about what they are going to do and how they are going to do it.

"'In fact, if we compare preschoolers' activities and the amount of private speech that occurs across them, we find that this self-regulating language is highest during make-believe play,' Berk says. 'And this type of self-regulating language… has been shown in many studies to be predictive of executive functions.'

"'And it's not just children who use private speech to control themselves. If we look at adult use of private speech,' Berk says, 'we're often using it to surmount obstacles, to master cognitive and social skills, and to manage our emotions.'

"Unfortunately, the more structured the play, the more children's private speech declines. Essentially, because children's play is so focused on lessons and leagues, and because kids' toys increasingly inhibit imaginative play, kids aren't getting a chance to practice policing themselves. When they have that opportunity, says Berk, the results are clear: Self-regulation improves."

It made so much sense I felt like standing up and shouting "Amen!".

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for setting this pattern for us.

Food for Thought

Ignore the advertisement at the beginning. However, it is interesting to juxtapose the ad with the thoughts expressed in the last interview of the video.

Winter evening

I love this place.

Elliot and his pillow fort

More cousins

Susquehanna River bank

Near the PA/NY border

Hiking with the cousins

New Mexico

We spent ten days visiting L's sister and her Maryland grandsons and then camping at Philmont for YM/scout training. New Mexico has grand scenery. We hiked out onto the ledge in the last photo to watch a sunrise early one morning. Gorgeous.