Sometimes a spoken paragraph or two leaps out at you and you always remember it.

There have been a few times when someone has said something in a General Conference address and it has stayed with me for the rest of my life.  Something I needed to know and remember.  Here are two of them.  Nearly two decades old in my brain and my brain cells continue to bring them up into my consciousness on occasion.

“The adversary will attempt to thwart your mission, and you will face spiritual and physical danger. But if you will focus on the assignments [that the Lord has given you], if you will heed [His] voice, and if you will refuse to reduce mortality to a sight-seeing or a shopping trip, you will return safely home...

“The adversary is delighted when we act like sightseers... or shoppers...preoccupied with the vain things of this world that suffocate our spirits. Satan baits us with perishable pleasures and preoccupations—our bank accounts, our wardrobes, even our waistlines—for he knows that where our treasure is, there will our hearts be also (see Matt. 6:21). Unfortunately, it is easy to let the blinding glare of the adversary’s enticements distract us from the light of Christ.”

Sheri Dew, “We are Women of God”, October 1999

“Measure whatever anyone else asks you to do, whether it be from your family, loved ones, your cultural heritage, or traditions you have inherited—measure everything against the teachings of the Savior. Where you find a variance from those teachings, set that matter aside and do not pursue it. It will not bring you happiness” 

Howard W. Hunter “Counsel to Students and Faculty,” Church College of New Zealand, 12 Nov. 1990), quoted by Richard G. Scott in “Removing Barriers to Happiness”. April 1998

I suspect that those struck me because I, personally, either needed them then and/or needed them later.  Either way, they have been very helpful counsel to me over the years, and I am glad that they were said in my hearing.

Parental Praise and Finding Fault

What I have learned about what can happen when parental praise is both superlative and also accompanied by faultfinding:

The bar for being acceptable to the parent is set near perfection.

In your mind, your sense of being worthy of love becomes dependent upon having performed at a high level of what is expected.

If you believe the superlatives, there is a sense of being exceptional.   If you believe the fault-finding there is a real sense of distress at failing to live up to what is expected.   Believing both parts of the dichotomy creates a confused feeling of both pride, and also an enduring sense of dissatisfaction with self.

The combination of being regularly told that it is anticipated that you will be intrinsically amazing but also regularly being reminded that you have been in the past, and still are, annoyingly flawed reinforces the sense that you have failed.  It creates distress at the thought of having those flaws discovered and increases self-recrimination over them.

You become unwilling to express personal feelings that are less than perfect, believing that they will be dealt with judgmentally.

Praise from others ultimately becomes hollow and meaningless to you.

And appreciation, when received, though pleasant, and well meant, ultimately just triggers private dissatisfaction with self because of the past automatic coupling of both praise and fault-finding in the communication patterns that you heard so often as a child.