Matthew 16:24-26

I few weeks ago I read Pastor Joel Tooley's report of a post-election political campaign rally he recently attended in which he felt called upon to protect a mother and child who were being physically threatened and the experience of the threats and vile language that he, his young daughter as well as the woman and her child experienced.

And then in my scripture reading a few days later (Matthew 16) I read, again, this verse

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, 'If any will come after me, let him come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosover will lose his life for my sake shall find it.  For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?'"

And I was struck that, unlike the point made the various Bible commentaries I've read about this passage that talk about the importance of maintaining your faith and your truth-speaking about Jesus, in spite of persecution, for me this is more.  It is about being willing to be uncomfortable, tired, exhausted, brave in the face of fear, and to suffer emotional or physical pain and even experience death as a consequence of living Jesus' commandments to love, feed, protect, visit, help, educate and succor those you are called, as a disciple, to assist.

In Jesus' time, each condemned man or woman carried his her own cross, the very thing upon which they would suffer and die.

And for us, taking up the work that we do as disciples is, in fact, carrying with us, always, a work that, if we do it right, will result in our being in situations that will result in our suffering fear or pain, and, for some of us, physical death, as we love, feed, protect, visit, teach, succor and help.

And the call is to do that difficult, often courageous, work when we encounter it, and not just simply keeping ourselves and our families safe, refreshed,  happy or comfortable in the blessings of the gospel.

Listening and confidence

In a meeting or on the phone….

Note:  This is not a post that is written in response  to national or regional politics.  Though there may be some tangential connections, my thoughts here are directed at interactions with people who are speaking to you or to a group with which you have elected to gather in order to listen to them.  This is not about our responses to soundbites and debates in the news media or our responses to the individuals who show up in those soundbites and debates.  That is fodder for another post.

Recently I sat in a meeting where a woman that I dearly love spoke of truths I understand.

I have noticed that when  I love a well-meaning person who is speaking at a meeting or in a personal conversation, the virtuous positions they espouse sink more deeply into my heart than when I am reserved in my affection for him or her.  And, similarly, when listening to someone I dearly love espouse understanding that I think  is seriously flawed, I am more easily able to forgive and  and not be overwhelmed with sorrow, anger or dismay over the less virtuous positions he or she may advocate than when I am reserved in my affection,  and, from there, simply continue on wisely and well  in what I understand  to be wisest and best.

So, I am learning, brotherly love not only increases my ability to recognize and embrace what is wise and good, but it also increases my ability to proceed in that good path wisely and confidently, minimally upset by misguided and wrong statements pronounced by someone who means well but does not understand or even rejects  the good that I understand.

Therefore, when I am  seated in a meeting, or am in a conversation, listening to a well-meaning person who doesn’t understand the goodness or virtue that  I understand and love, if I feel  my anger and frustration levels rising, or my sorrow start to become overwhelming, I may wish to take stock of my personal commitment to the development and practice of brotherly love.

I have learned that though anger or angst or dismay  may impel me to higher levels of energy, brotherly love gives me greater ability to proceed, undisturbed, in the course I understand to be wisest, most virtuous and best with greater effectiveness and with calm confidence when someone  who I think should know better because of the evidence and information they have, rejects that course.

 “Let thy bowels be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God…”
Doctrine and Covenants 121:45

Confidence in what you believe is good, maintained in a soul committed to brotherly love, I have found, is more effective,  unperturbable, and empowering than confidence in what you believe is good mixed with angst, dismay, frustration or anger brought on because you have not yet chosen  brotherly love in a relationship with someone who is espousing what you believe is a very wrong course.  Charity towards all, regardless of the presence or total absence of mutual comprehension,  does, it seems, directly affect your ability to move forward with calm, unaffected confidence.

As a side note,  over 40 years ago a  teacher once asked why I thought the phrase “and to the household of faith” was in that verse, above, in Doctrine and Covenants 121 that speaks of waxing strong in confidence as one pursues a virtuous course of thinking and action.   Why  mention that household when that subset is already part of the set of “all men”.  I have thought about that question many times.

I think I understand better now why that is there.

A Guide to Letting Go of Your Perfectly Good Things

This post is from Zoe Kim who blogs on http://www.theminimalistplate.com/

Keeping it here for future reference and discussion.

Finding our lives under everything we own is more than clearing away just junk. Often it requires removing good quality things. Expensive things. Useful things. Admired things. Fancy things. It means letting go of perfectly good stuff in order to pursue something more meaningful.

I began de-owning my excess six years ago. My husband deployed frequently and we had two children under five. I was spending more time doing something with our stuff than doing something with my family.

With my husband half-way across the world, the kids and I had to pack up to move again. It was our third move in six years, but this one was just down the street. How difficult could that be?

Well, the process of personally packing, unpacking, and organizing all of our stuff drained the joy right out of me—for two months. I wanted to take my kids to the beach, play at the park, and listen to their laughter. But I was exhausted, and stressed. Busy taking care of all our stuff.

It was in that stress, exhaustion, and desire to live better that I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. I began to see the real cost of our stuff— and it was way overpriced!

I started peeling away the layers of excess. And I was on a roll—until I hit that layer of perfectly good things! Valuable things that people spent much time and life to purchase. I felt wasteful and sick at the thought of giving it away. This was good stuff— wasn’t it? Maybe so. But I was learning, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry Thoreau

It is possible to break through the layer of perfectly good things. Through the process, I learned these practical steps:

1. Accept the mistake. Often, we will see many mistakes as we start to purge all the ‘good stuff.’ Acknowledge it was a mistake so you can move on. Keeping something that does not add value to your life keeps you stuck holding on to the mistake.

2. Shift your perspective. As I journey further into minimalism, I realized there is far more joy in giving things away than can ever be found in owning more.

3. Designate a spot. In the beginning, I would walk through my house and see things I thought I wanted to donate but they stayed put until I set up a spot to start putting it all. Set up a box, closet or room to place your donation items. Remove them from your house often.

4. Community. Share your excess with your community. Donate books to schools and libraries. Donate clothing and other household goods to local foster care organizations, shelters, and your local food pantry.

5. Experiment. Experimentation by elimination has helped me shed the layers of good stuff quicker. I simplified my beauty and bath routine by removing 60-80% of my products. Much to my surprise, many things I kept had no real value to my day.

6. Keep your eye on your why. In times of discouragement, make a choice to focus on why you are giving perfectly good things away. Remember, you’re giving up the good for the best.

7. Ask yourself better questions.

Does it serve its purpose—to serve my purpose?
We’re often not consciously thinking about our motives when we keep things, but everything has a cost. How much are you willing to sacrifice your passion and purpose for possessions? Some of our things serve a purpose. The important things give our lives meaning and joy. The useless ones just drain our time.

Can this be useful to someone else?
When we hold on to good things we do not need, we keep them from being helpful to others. I used to think it would be wasteful just to give things away that were barely used or not used at all—especially if they weren’t cheap. But then I thought, what if I just own my mistake in buying this thing by giving it away.

Would I leave this as someone else’s’ responsibility?
With my spouse deployed in harm’s way, I was expected to plan. I filled out the spouse deployment form—pages filled with detailed questions and answers should my husband be killed. Experiences like these gave me more prudence. What will the state of my stuff look like when I’m no longer here? Do I enjoy this enough to leave if for someone to take care of—because it will be my family taking care of it someday?

How do you want to live your life?
Own too much, and you’ll live a life owned by your stuff. Say yes when you should say no and you’ll live a life organized by others. Keep more than you need, and you’ll give less to those in need.

The journey to minimalism might look like it’s about going through and purging your possessions. But it’s much more about going through your heart. “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.” Marie Kondo

I’ve often wondered if I would have journeyed into minimalism had we not experienced the active duty military life. If we hadn’t moved so often and been stretched in stress, would I have kept it all put-away—like organized hoarding happily?

Nonetheless, I’m grateful for the experiences which brought me to the path to living more intentionally with a lot less.

***

Zoë Kim blogs at The Minimalist Plate where she inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give.

Luke 24. Counseling together. Learning from each other. Avoiding being fools and slow of heart to believe.

Luke 24

They [Mary Magdalene, Joanna, James' mother Mary, and other women] found the sepulchre empty and encountered “two men in shining garments” who said, “Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, saying 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.”

And the women “remembered [Jesus'] words”!!!! Oh yes!! That's right!! He did!! and so they went, bringing the news of their experience with the angels to the eleven apostles, most certainly reminding them, as they had been reminded, of what Jesus had said about being crucified and rising again on the third day.

Which experiences and things the apostles apparently did not only not remember, but also pooh-poohed the women's words as “idle tales” and did not believe them...

though Peter did, to his credit, go and look for himself, and wonder, afterwards, at the empty tomb that he found.

I think we may have found here, in the early church, an example of an extreme lack of the skill of counseling together, an inability of one group of people to consider the information from another, likely due to their sex in this case, but which in other cases may be due to different things that make the one group fail to listen or believe the words of another, simply because they are “other” and their ideas, perspectives and experiences are very different than our current patterns of thinking.

So...next, that same day, we have the “road to Emmaus” story, where two are traveling and encounter the resurrected Jesus, and do not realize who he is, and tell him their understanding of what happened over the last three days and of the odd, and not quite believed, tale the women had told. And what does Jesus say?

“O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken.”

And then, later, he sits down with those two, and the eleven, and once again, unfolds the details in the scriptures that he had told them before and that they had not remembered, and which failure to remember abetted their discounting of what the women had been reminded of and believed.

One message I suspect that may have had running though their minds: "I should have listened to them.  It would have been less awkward for me now, if I had.  And I certainly would have saved myself many hours of grief."

I really hope that no heavenly messenger or other divine being ever again has good cause to say to me, “O fool, and slow of heart to believe...” due to my out of hand rejection of the beliefs and experiences of others who have joined me in councils and conferences and circles of conversation, or whose experiences and words preceded mine by many years; rejecting because they are, in my mind, “other”, people whose experiences or perspectives or energy levels or understanding or cultural background, or ethnicity, or sex or age or anything else make me subconsciously discount their stories or the news they bring.

I'm certain that I have deserved it sometimes. It is an easy habit to fall into and a difficult one to recognize in oneself and then totally eradicate instead of laughing and excusing one's behavior, or becoming defensive or irritated or dismissive when it is pointed out.

So, once again, I am in awe of the careful, patient, thoughtful, listeners I know.